The New Mesopotamia Times

About The New Mesopotamia Times

"Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand." - Mark Twain

So you surfed the World Wide Web and, by some ill-fated stroke of fortune, you're stuck at this website. Hard cheddar.

Highly-trained and professional journalists and web designers struggled for months to produce a really quality website.  But. fortunately, I got rid of their stuff and replaced it with what you're reading now.
As you may probably have guessed, NMT  is an online magazine about the Iraq War. After reading a few articles, you may also start to vaguely suspect that I don't quite approve of that little adventure in Iraq. Certainly, no self-respecting die-hard Dubya or Blair fan would ever visit this URL again after reading just the contents page. But what about all those other billions of balanced, reasonable individuals in the world who actually possess a brain and a modicum of common decency? What about the poor suckers who knew they were made asses of when no WMDs were found in Iraq? What about those silly people who actually think that dragging a naked Iraqi on a leash in a torture prison is perhaps not the most effective way to encourage him to embrace democracy? 

Well, if you are indeed one of them - welcome to The New Mesopotamia Times! And what a Mess-o-Potamia the world is in today.

Don't get me wrong  - I'm no pinko-liberal nancy-pansy bunny-hugging pacifist. I love dis-assembling and re-assembling AK47 Kalashnikov Automatics as much as the next guy. I have a collection of Real-Time Strategy wargames and First Person Shooters that would make General Norman Schwarzkopf's toes curl. There's nothing more I like than dimming the lights, cuddling up with The Significant Other on the sofa and watching my 'Black Hawk Down' DVD repeatedly until the wee hours. 
What I DON'T like, though, is being lied to as though I have a pea for a brain. "Iraq has secret stockpiles of a thousand tons of anthrax, mustard gas, sarin and deadly nerve gas ."? After nearly two years there, they couldn't even find a thousand tons of camel poo. "Saddam can deploy chemical and biological weapons within 45 minutes .."? Pshaw, he couldn't even deploy his ass out of Baghdad within 45 minutes. "Iraq is an immediate and imminent threat to our security ". Yeah - about as immediate and imminent as those jack-assess doing the decent thing and resigning.

If I can quote the immortal words of  that greatest of minds, G Dubya himself: "Fool me once, shame on -- shame on you. Fool me -- you can't get fooled again.". And that's the same man who wants to lead The Free World to war. Sheesh.

And then there's the sheer hypocrisy. They want to free the Iraqi people of Saddam's torture prisons - then have that little party at Abu Ghraib. They recoil at horror when Saddam gassed the town Halabja, then quite happily flatten the town of Falluja. And we of course all just KNOW it has absolutely nothing to do with oil, don't we? And pigs can fly.

If the government can smugly lie about some serious shit as going to war, what else can they lie about? How will I ever again be able to trust the numbers in my tax returns?
So, I decided to enlist myself into the Coalition of the Unwilling. And, after reading NMT, perhaps you will too. Already, our web counters have hit the roof  - last week, we even managed to overtake in terms of unique web hits. Some of you might feel I am deserving of a Nobel Prize for Literature. So do I. But this is not the time for complacency. Just because I'm producing the most intelligent, liveliest, brightest and funniest satirical Iraq war website in The Known Universe DOESN'T mean I'm getting big-headed. After all, there is still some room for improvement. Not much, I grant you, but some.

Some of you may find some of the articles offensive or in bad taste. Tough. War is offensive and in bad taste. George Bush's ties are offensive and in bad taste. So there. At least I don't bomb women and children or delight in photographing naked Iraqi bottoms, which is more than I can say for some people I can mention.

Some of you may not have a sense of humour. Tough. However, if you AREN'T a dry, humourless, insensate, witless bore - grab yourself a mug of coffee, settle down comfortably in your chair and have a good laugh at the warmongers in the White House and Downing Street. After all, they're right there, laughing at YOU.

All text copyright of The Embedded Satirist in Cambridge, Sabri Zain