About The New Mesopotamia Times
"Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand."
- Mark Twain
So you surfed the World Wide Web and, by some ill-fated
stroke of fortune, you're stuck at this website. Hard cheddar.
Highly-trained and professional journalists and web designers
struggled for months to produce a really quality website. But. fortunately,
I got rid of their stuff and replaced it with what you're reading now.
|As you may probably have guessed, NMT is an online
magazine about the Iraq War. After reading a few articles, you may also
start to vaguely suspect that I don't quite approve of that little adventure
in Iraq. Certainly, no self-respecting die-hard Dubya or Blair fan would
ever visit this URL again after reading just the contents page. But what
about all those other billions of balanced, reasonable individuals in the
world who actually possess a brain and a modicum of common decency? What
about the poor suckers who knew they were made asses of when no WMDs were
found in Iraq? What about those silly people who actually think that dragging
a naked Iraqi on a leash in a torture prison is perhaps not the most effective
way to encourage him to embrace democracy?
Well, if you are indeed one of them - welcome to The New
Mesopotamia Times! And what a Mess-o-Potamia the world is in today.
Don't get me wrong - I'm no pinko-liberal nancy-pansy
bunny-hugging pacifist. I love dis-assembling and re-assembling AK47 Kalashnikov
Automatics as much as the next guy. I have a collection of Real-Time Strategy
wargames and First Person Shooters that would make General Norman Schwarzkopf's
toes curl. There's nothing more I like than dimming the lights, cuddling
up with The Significant Other on the sofa and watching my 'Black Hawk Down'
DVD repeatedly until the wee hours.
If the government can smugly lie about some serious shit
as going to war, what else can they lie about? How will I ever again be
able to trust the numbers in my tax returns?
||What I DON'T like, though, is being lied to as though
I have a pea for a brain. "Iraq has secret stockpiles of a thousand tons
of anthrax, mustard gas, sarin and deadly nerve gas …."? After nearly two
years there, they couldn't even find a thousand tons of camel poo. "Saddam
can deploy chemical and biological weapons within 45 minutes ….."? Pshaw,
he couldn't even deploy his ass out of Baghdad within 45 minutes. "Iraq
is an immediate and imminent threat to our security …". Yeah - about as
immediate and imminent as those jack-assess doing the decent thing and
If I can quote the immortal words of that greatest
of minds, G Dubya himself: "Fool me once, shame on -- shame on you. Fool
me -- you can't get fooled again.". And that's the same man who wants to
lead The Free World to war. Sheesh.
And then there's the sheer hypocrisy. They want to free
the Iraqi people of Saddam's torture prisons - then have that little party
at Abu Ghraib. They recoil at horror when Saddam gassed the town Halabja,
then quite happily flatten the town of Falluja. And we of course all just
KNOW it has absolutely nothing to do with oil, don't we? And pigs can fly.
Some of you may not have a sense of humour. Tough. However,
if you AREN'T a dry, humourless, insensate, witless bore - grab yourself
a mug of coffee, settle down comfortably in your chair and have a good
laugh at the warmongers in the White House and Downing Street. After all,
they're right there, laughing at YOU.
|So, I decided to enlist myself into the Coalition of
the Unwilling. And, after reading NMT, perhaps you will too. Already, our
web counters have hit the roof - last week, we even managed to overtake
Whips-n-Leather.com in terms of unique web hits. Some of you might feel
I am deserving of a Nobel Prize for Literature. So do I. But this is not
the time for complacency. Just because I'm producing the most intelligent,
liveliest, brightest and funniest satirical Iraq war website in The Known
Universe DOESN'T mean I'm getting big-headed. After all, there is still
some room for improvement. Not much, I grant you, but some.
Some of you may find some of the articles offensive or
in bad taste. Tough. War is offensive and in bad taste. George Bush's ties
are offensive and in bad taste. So there. At least I don't bomb women and
children or delight in photographing naked Iraqi bottoms, which is more
than I can say for some people I can mention.
||All text copyright of The
Embedded Satirist in Cambridge, Sabri