US to expand Axis of Evil
"The government of Sudan has worked hard to do everything
Iraq has done," said Sudan's Ambassador to the UN Osama ben Janjaweed.
"We've outlawed democracy. We have a brutal military dictatorship. We have
massacred tens of thousands of our own citizens. We have starved millions
more. We have ignored UN resolutions. But what do we get for all our Evildoer
ways? Nada. Zip."
|New York .... In response to growing international
pressure, Bush aides today indicated that the State Department is looking
at revising the list of countries in the Axis of Evil. "We are looking
at a variety of policy options and alternatives, such as the possibility
of changing it to a Quartet of Evil or even an Evil Dirty Dozen," said
State Department spokesman Harry Falsemann.
George W Bush first referred to the "axis of evil" during
his State of the Union in May 2002, singling out Iran, Iraq and North Korea
as rogue states arming to threaten the peace of the world. Sudan launched
a withering verbal attack on the US at the UN General Assembly today, accusing
the Bush Administration of "favouritism" and "prejudice" for being excluded
from membership of the Axis of Evil.
Sudan's Janjaweed militias allege they are just as
Evil as Iraqi Republican Guards
Sudan accused the US of blatant favouritism, saying Iraq
was given special preference just because it has the second largest oil
reserves in the world. That is grossly unfair," ben Janjaweed protested.
"Anyway, we're Africa's largest producer of sesame seed - come on, that
surely must count for something, guys. Think buns. Think bread sticks"
Similar criticism came from former Serbian president Slobovan
Milosevic. "We massacred, we butchered, we ethnically-cleansed, we invaded,
stuck our finger up at the UN, we did everything right. But because we
have no oil, we're treated like any other regular, civilized, law-abiding
country by the US. It is an insult to Evildoers everywhere."
"We will explore all avenues to ensure that every sovereign
country will have a fair and equal opportunity to work towards being bombed
and invaded by us, and liberated in the name of freedom and democracy,"
Saddam: 'I'm Bad'
|Sudan and Serbia have started informal talks proposing
their own Axis of We're-Just-As-Evil-So-There.
Interviewed in his prison cell in Abu Ghraib, former Iraqi
President Saddam Hussein scoffed at the protests from Sudan and Serbia.
"What? You call yourselves evil? Gimme a break! We are the Mother of All
Evil! We were at war with 34 countries in 1991 - try and beat that, losers!
And we had more non-existent weapons of mass destruction than anyone I
know- just ask Bush and Blair. Plus, we could launch them in 45 minutes!"
He then broke into the chorus of Michael Jackson's hit song 'Bad', while
doing a moonwalk around his prison cell.
In addition, the State Department is also analysing the
feasibility of a compromise solution where countries could be included
in other Axes according to different grades of Evil, ranging from the Axis
of the Wicked, Axis of Nastiness, Axis of Badness and Axis of The Plain
Mean, to the Axis of Naughtiness, Axis of Mischief, Axis of the Occasionally
Misbehaves and Axis of the Often Cranky.
Falsemann denied the existence of a leaked White House
memo mooting the classification of an Axis of the Just Plain Boring, consisting
of Canada, Norway and New Jersey.
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