US launches lunar probe
in search for WMDs
A joint project between NASA and the Iraq Survey Group,
the US team searching for weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, will soon
be sending a lunar lander to the surface of the moon to search for those
According to ISG head David Kay, despite over US$800 million
spent by the ISG so far, its nationwide search of Iraq has so far only
recovered 50 dinars left behind Saddam Hussein's couch and a red sock Kay
had left in a Baghdad laundrette three months after the US invasion. "Unfortunately,
no nuclear, biological or chemical weapons were recovered , though we did
find an 8-month old piece of stale goat cheese in the back of the refrigerator
of a Basra camel dealer. We are also analysing a highly suspicious bottle
of duck toilet cleaner left in a kebab store in Sammara."
However, Kay remains undeterred. "Who is to say Saddam
didn't just dump it all in a rocket and blast them off to the moon? We
have the evidence."
Pictures released by ISG revealed strange craters on the
moon's surface, "probably the result of nuclear tests conducted by the
Iraq military," Kay alleges. According to Kay, the lunar images were obtained
from the Milwaukee High School Amateur Astronomy Society as the US military's
high-definition satellite imagery equipment in its spy satellites were
pointing the wrong way.
Kay added that intelligence reports from CIA informants
have revealed that the moon "surprisingly" appears to be almost completely
devoid of human inhabitants. "No doubt they had all been exterminated by
Saddam's gruesome testing of his evil chemical and biological weapons."
Kay searches for WMDs on Saddam
Kay's sock - one of the big finds in the
search for WMDs
evidence, however, came from the Iraqis themselves. They flatly denied
having any weapons of mass destruction at all on the moon. That sure is
proof to me that they have."
The lunar lander - dubbed 'Blixen' - will be manned by
a team of the nation's best WMD detection experts, consisting of two neo-conservative
Republican Senators, a FOX News newsreader, three Whie House spokesman,
a senior Haliburton board member and the features editor of National Enquirer.
Blixen will begin its scientific voyage of discovery by
first carpet-bombing the surface of the moon with Tomahawk missiles. On
landing, it will establish a Washington-appointed Lunar Governing Council,
seize all known oil assets, flatten any lunar towns opposed to the occupation
and then start the search for WMDs.
NASA scientists were upbeat about the success of the mission.
"We are confident that that finding WMDs on the moon will have an even
50-50 chance with finding life there," a NASA statement said.
A spokesman from the UN Monitoring, Verification, and
Inspection Commission UNMOVIC said that "the mission is, using the technical
In the unlikely event that the lunar search proves unsuccessful,
Congress has already approved a US$3 billion budget for a similar WMD inspection
of the Klingon Empire.
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