Westminster hit by new
strain of Mad Cow Disease
London, UK …. A devastating outbreak of
Mad Cow disease has swept over the London district of Westminster, in particular
the area around Downing Street and the Houses of Parliament. This new strain
of the disease - known as Mad Kow-Tow Disease - has resulted in hundreds
of victims collapsing and falling to their knees in servile, humiliating
homage to US President George W Bush.
According to Dr H Shipman of the Royal Institute of Physicians,
Mad Kow-Tow disease attacks the brain and destroys the regions of the cerebrum
responsible for independent thought, self-respect and integrity.
"The disease has infected a wide range of Westminster residents - from
some ordinary Members of Parliament right up to Cabinet Ministers and even
the Prime Minister himself. Sufferers have found themselves incapable of
making reasoned decisions and forming opinions, always responding to questions
about their views on issues with 'errr … what is the White House policy
on that?' "
Blair denied any outbreak of Mad Kow-
Tow disease at a press conference outside Downing
Victims have also been reported to develop hearing and
eyesight problems, experiencing episodes of temporary blindness to civilian
war casualties, human rights violations, torture allegations, UN conventions
and criticism from the international community. "You can have close to
a million people protesting and shouting outside their windows against
the Iraq war, and the poor devils won't see or hear anything," Dr Shipman
The disease then progresses by eating away at the body
until the backbone crumbles and the testicles shrivel up and wither away.
In the very worst cases, victims also exhibit an uncontrollable urge to
fall on their kness and apply their tongues to the anuses of any passing
"The sufferer is ultimately reduced to a useless, impotent,
quivering lump of jelly who is constantly muttering "Shoulder-to-shoulder
….. war on terror …. special relationship …. coalition of the willing ….."
British Members of Parliament debating the Iraq
War last Febrauary
|"That is how the disease gets its name," Shipman explained.
"Victims are ultimately reduced to behaving like cowed idiots."
Shipman suspects that the source of the Mad Kow-Tow virus
may be livestock feed that was tainted by sewage from government dossiers
and CIA intelligence reports on Iraq's weapons of mass destruction.
Due to humanitarian reasons, Shipman ruled out a mass
cull of all Mad Kow disease victims. "However, we cannot discount such
an event happening as a result of the next General Elections."
There are unconfirmed reports that the disease is also
widespread in other parts of the world, such as governments of the United
States and Australia. An outbreak in Spain was stopped in April 2004 when
Spanish voters kicked President Jose Maria Aznar out of office.
The outbreak follows an earlier outbreak of Foot-In-Mouth
disease in the UK when, for many weeks, the British Prime Minister was
caught with his foot in his mouth making the most ridiculous statements
about weapons of mass destruction in Iraq.
MAD KOW-TOW DISEASE: THE FACTS
|What are the warning symptoms of the disease?
||How is the disease spread?
||What precautions do you need to take?
|Chronic verbal DIARROHEA; VOMITING out the
most inane, unbelievable statements about weapons of mass destruction in
SORE THROAT from raving and ranting all day about the
War on Terror and WMDs in Iraq;
SHIFTY EYES watching to see if people listening know the
sufferer is lying through his teeth;
PROFOUND LOSS OF HEARING to any dissenting or independent
views or criticism about the war in Iraq;
SUDDEN LOSS OF VOCAL ABILITY when confronted by questions
about civilian casualties in Iraq or torture allegations in Guantanamo
INFLAMMATION of the head due to their feeling of self-importance
at being George W's best buddy;
IRREPAIRABLE BRAIN DAMAGE, ADMITS to liking George W Bush.
|DIRECT CONTACT with the British Prime Minister
or his Cabinet Ministers; the US president or any White House official
PROLONGED EXPOSURE to CIA intelligence reports, British
government dossiers on Iraq, US Presidential speeches and Fox News;
INHALING THE ATMOSPHERE of fear spread by victims.
|COVER YOUR EYES AND EARS at any time you
see a government politician talking about Iraq on television or in the
AVOID PUBLIC PLACES such as No. 10 Downing Street, the
Houses of Parliament and the White House;
NOURISH your mind with alternative news, independent viewpoints
and healthy debate;
DON'T vote Labour in the next General Elections.
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version of this article in Adobe Acrobat PDF format, CLICK
||A dispatch from our Embedded
Satirist in Cambridge, Sabri Zain.