Bush honours Iraq war
Washington DC …. US President George W Bush has given
America's highest civilian award to three men instrumental to America's
'mission accomplished' in Iraq and the War on Terror. In a nationally-televised
ceremony, former CIA director George Tenet, General Tommy Franks and Paul
Bremer were this week given the Presidential Medal of Freedom at the White
"His claims of a link between Saddam Hussein and al
Qaeda also showed that he had the courage to never let the truth get in
the way of a good excuse to go to war," Bush added.
Tenet was the head of the Central Intelligence Agency during
the September 11th attacks and subsequent wars in Afghanistan and Iraq.
President Bush said that Mr Tenet's award is in recognition for the CIA's
successfully not knowing anything of the impending attack on the World
Trade Centre, as well as the vital role the CIA played in successfully
detecting the large numbers of imaginary weapons of mass destruction in
Iraq which, subsequently, were successfully not found. "These few
brave acts alone whipped up such a frenzy of fear, uncertainty and paranoia
among Americans that it made sending the country to war a picnic,"
Tenet, Franks and Bremer applaud each other's screw-ups
"The CIA's success is not being able to find Osama bin
Laden is also testimony to his skilled leadership and dogged determination,"
Bush added. "Mr Tenet, America and the world thanks you."
Bush praised Franks for his use of surgical, precision
bombing air strikes. "Just look at Baghdad, it looks like an A-bomb hit
it three times over - but there's not a scratch on the Oil Ministry building."
The search continues: An Iraqi is inspected
|General Franks, on the other hand, was the architect
behind the invasion of Iraq, drawing up the detailed plans for its highly
successful invasion. "His bold plan called for far fewer troops being used
than were deployed in the Gulf War of 1991. The wisdom and spectacular
success of this plan is clearly demonstrated today by the utter lawlessness
and shambolic security situation in Iraq today."
"Franks' invasion of Iraq was the longest, fastest armored
advance in the history of American warfare," Bush said. "And he's probably
left us with the longest, messiest, bloodiest occupation in the history
of American warfare as well."
"Tom is a true liberator who delivered Iraq from the torture
prisons of Saddam Hussein's tyranny and replaced them with torture prisons
of good ol' Yankee tyranny," Bush added, wiping tears of pride from his
Franks was also praised for ensuring that civilian casualties
were limited to "a very, very small number which we don't even know and
can't tell you how many."
Paul Bremer was the US-appointed civilian administrator
in Iraq, leading the US-appointed Coalition Provisional Authority (CPA)
before it handed power over to the US-appointed Iraqi Governing Council.
Bush said that Bremer will be remembered for his superb work in laying
the foundations of democracy in Iraq.
Bush concluded that these "these three men symbolize the
good influence of America on the world. Whenever people laugh at yet another
joke about missing WMDs, or hear about yet another Iraqi town we've flattened
or see a naked man on a leash in a prison, they will think of the great
ol' US of A."
"Newspapers critical of the CPA were closed. Political groups opposed to
the occupation were hounded and outlawed. Iraqi families were terrorised
weekly by having their homes ransacked and searched. Ordinary citizens
were picked up off from the streets, detained without trial, sexually humiliated
and tortured. In short, thanks to Paul, freedom and democracy is
today alive and well in Iraq."
Bremer was also hailed for beginning the successful reconstruction
of Iraq. "Under him, four-fifths of the country does not have a clean water
supply, three-quarters is without electricity supply, half the schools
are either destroyed or closed, all hospitals are out of medical supplies,
you're up to your ankles in sewage in the streets - but, hell, he kept
the oil wells flowing."
Bush: "Symbols of the good influence of America on
In a related development, the Chairman of the Nobel Prize
Committee Dr Olaf Heyerdall today announced the winners of this year's
Blair's best-seller grabbed this year's
Nobel Prize for Fiction
The Nobel Prize For Literature (Fiction) was awarded to the British Prime
Minister Tony Blair for his dossier 'Iraq's Weapons of Mass Destruction'.
"The book is reminescent of Dante's Inferno, terrifying its reader
with its surreal flights of fantasy and detailed exploration of the realms
of its imaginary, nightmarish world," said Dr Heyerdall. "Mr Blair's fictional
prose is truly breath-taking in its depth of creativity and sheer imagination."
The Nobel Prize for Medicine went to Brig.Gen. Janis Karpinskii
commander-in-chief of the Abu Ghraib Prison. "The US military probed and
studied the human anatomy and behavioural psychology there using techniques
and methods which no decent medical researcher would even contemplate with
laboratory rats, " said Dr Heyerdall.
Three members of the Prize Committee had to be sedated
and hospitalised when they were tragically struck by uncontrollable fits
of epileptic laughter upon receiving a nomination by Harald T. Nesvik,
a Right-wing Norwegian Member of Parliament, proposing Bush and Blair for
the Nobel Peace Prize for their "decisive action against terrorism.".
The Nobel Peace Prize was subsequently awarded to Frank
Weissman, the owner of the Weissman and Sons Bakery which manufactured
the pretzel which Bush choked on in January 2002.
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