US mounts massive rescue
operation after tsunami disaster
|Washington DC ….. In the wake of the
Asian tsunami disaster, the United States this week deployed aircraft carriers,
transport planes, helicopters, medical teams, food supplies and pledged
hundreds of millions of dollars of humanitarian aid in an unprecedented
rescue operation aimed at rescuing America's tattered credibility and appalling
international image worldwide.
"The utter devastation is unlike anything we have seen
before," said US Secretary of State Colin Powell. "We have lost all respect
and credibility from the international community. Our President is an international
joke. No one believes anything we say after all that bullshit we spouted
about WMDs. Everyone thinks we're sadistic psychopaths after Guantanamo
and Abu Ghraib. People call us bloodthirsty murderers after we blitzed
Falluja. We hope this rescue operation will help rescue what little international
esteem we still have."
"We don't want people to remember us as arrogant bullies,"
Powell added. "We want them to remember us as compassionate, caring arrogant
Just days after the tsunami hit, the Bush administration
pledged US$35 million in aid to the stricken victims - almost as much as
the US$38 million budgeted for President Bush's inauguration ceremony celebrations
on January 20th. "Unlike the Presidential event, however, the aid
package didn't include any allocations for caviar, pate de fois grois or
truffles," Powell clarified.
US helicopters on the way to deliver food aid
US helicopters on the way to deliver bombs to Falluja
This pledge was later increased to a hefty US$350 million.
"Sure, this is about the same amount we spend in Iraq every 36 hours,"
Powell said. "But, heck, we always have money for killing people, anyway."
The massive rescue effort - called Operation Enduring
Nice Guy - would involve two naval battle groups, C-17 supply aircraft,
45 helicopters, over 13,000 military personnel, millions of dollars of
supplies and billions of dollars worth of constant, unremitting TV airtime,
newspaper coverage, photo ops and media conferences. More than 500
tons of food and medical supplies have been delivered to Indonesia, while
50 million column inches of newspaper articles and 4 million hours
of cable news airtime on President Bush's aid package speech have been
delivered to homes throughout the rest of the world.
Powell reiterated Washington's commitment to help in reconstruction
efforts in the tsunami hit areas. "We just hope we have better luck than
we did in our two years trying to reconstruct Iraq."
US Marines will also assist in evacuating civilians from
wave-struck and disease-infested towns and cities. "Falluja has shown that
if there's one thing we're darn good at, it's getting hundreds of thousands
of civilians out of their towns and cities pretty quickly," Powell said
with a wink.
In a related development, a full-scale war with Japan was
narrowly averted when it was explained to President Bush that the tsunami
terror was not caused by a terrorist Japanese military dictator named Tsunami
and there was no need to invade Japan again.
Blair and Bush: Observed three days' silence
|Powell also hoped that US efforts
in Indonesia would help convince Muslims worldwide that the Bush Administration
is not an enemy of Islam. "Our humanitarian efforts are now helping ease
the suffering of thousands of Muslim men, women and children in Acheh
- so we hope you guys just quietly forget that we bombed thousands of Muslim
men, women and children in Iraq."
Powell also urged ordinary Americans to contribute cash
to humanitarian efforts as well and dig deep into their pockets to match
the government's US$350 million commitment. "They're also going to have
to dig deep into their pockets later this year when their taxes are going
to have to pay for the additional US$80 billion we’re going to need for
the war in Iraq."
Throughout the world, people paid their respects to the
victims of the disaster by observing a minute's silence during New Year
celebrations. President Bush and Prime Minister Tony Blair of Britain topped
this by observing a full three days' silence and not saying anything public
about the disaster until after they returned from their well-earned Christmas
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