Once upon a time, there was a poor shepherd boy who looked after the goats in a prosperous little village in Texas. Well, actually, he wasn’t really poor - his Dad was, after all, President of the United States. He too became President but he wasn't too bright, so they sent him off to that hillside herding goats as it was the only job he could do without screwing up. Anyway, he was getting bored out of his wits as he sat on the hillside watching the village goats. Baa, baa, baa, all day long, hour after hour, it was really getting to his goat. Life was becoming too dull even for his dim little mind.

"So, to amuse himself, he took a long, deep breath and cried out with all his might, “Wolf! Wolf! The Wolf is chasing the goats!”.

The villagers came running up the hill to help the boy drive the wolf away. But when they arrived at the top of the hill, they found no wolf. The boy laughed at the sight of their angry faces.

“Don't cry ‘wolf’, shepherd boy,” said the villagers, “when there's no wolf!” They went grumbling back down the hill.

But the boy just rolled on the ground laughing. “Ha ha ha! … I haven’t had that much fun since I went AWOL from the Air Force!” 

And true enough, the very next day, the boy saw a real wolf - named Wolfowitz - prowling about his herd. Alarmed, he leapt to his feet and was just about to cry “Wolf! Wolf!” when the wolf pounced on him and pinned him to the ground with his sharp claws.

“Don’t call those villagers, boy,” the wolf growled at the terrified boy. “I’m here to help you. I saw how much fun you had with those village idiots yesterday. Just do what I say and I will let you live. Not only that, you’ll have some more fun too!” 

“W-w-what d-d-do you w-w-want me to d-d-do?” the quivering boy asked.

The wolf let the boy go. “Just cry out ‘WMDs! WMDs!’ tomorrow morning and, when the villagers come to help, I will sneak into the village and steal some chickens. And you can have a good laugh!”

So the very next morning, the boy took a long, deep breath and cried out with all his might, “WMDs! WMDs in Iraq! Chemical weapons! Biological toxins! Nuclear bombs! Only 45 minutes to deploy!”

So the villagers went running to Iraq but when they got there, they found no evidence of weapons of mass destruction at all. Not a single canister of mustard gas, not a drop of sarin nerve gas, nit a single nuclear device. When they got back, the boy laughed at the sight of their angry faces.

“Don't cry ‘WMDs’, shepherd boy,” said the villagers, “when there are no WMDs!” They went grumbling back down to the village and, to their horror, suddenly found all their chickens gone - stolen by the Wolf. And Haliburton.

The wolf returned to the boy, his stomach full and the feathers still sticking out of his mouth. “Wasn’t that fun?!” the wolf said in between burps. “Why don’t we try something else tomorrow ……”

So the very next morning, the boy took a long, deep breath and cried out with all his might, “Terrorists! Terrorists in Iraq! Links to al Qaeda! Osama bin Laden! Evildoers!”

So the villagers again went running to Iraq and, no matter how hard they looked, they could not find a single link to al Qaeda. They couldn't even find Osama bin Laden in Iraq (or anywhere else for that matter). And the only Evildoer they did see was the shepherd boy who shrieked in laughter at the grumbling villagers when they returned. 

“Don't cry ‘links to al-Qaeda’, shepherd boy,” said the villagers, “when there are no links to al-Qaeda!” They went grumbling back down to the village and, to their horror, suddenly found all their cattle gone - stolen by the Wolf! And Haliburton.

Not only that, but the Wolf had also managed to convince all the sons of the villagers to join the army and invade Iraq and it became such a mess that pretty soon terrorists were REALLY flocking there from all over the world.

The wolf returned to the boy, licking his chops. “Beef was always my favourite! But make sure you're here again tomorrow, shepherd boy …. I have a nice little surprise for you"

The very next morning, the boy returned to his herd of goats and was shocked to find the wolf attacking his herd and eating his goats one by one! “What are you doing?!” the boy cried in alarm. “Sorry kid,” the wolf said, as he finished off the last goat. “There are no more chickens or cattle left in the village - and your goats are the only food left here.”

“In fact, I’m still not full,” the wolf said as he prowled slowly and menacingly towards the quivering boy. “I think I’ll have you for dessert!”

Alarmed, the boy took a long, deep breath and cried out with all his might “Wolf! Wolf! There really IS a wolf here! Help!”

But no one came. The villagers thought he was trying to fool them again, and so they didn't come.

The wolf pounced on the fleeing boy and pinned him to the ground with his claws. And just moments before the wolf was about to tear his body to pieces with his long teeth and sharp claws, the Wolf taunted the miserable shepherd boy “Nobody believes a liar, boy...even when he is telling the truth!”

And the boy died a horrible death. And the villagers lived in fear all their lives. And the terrorists were the ones that had the last laugh. And Haliburton.

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A fairy tale from our Embedded Satirist in Cambridge, Sabri Zain.