February 27th, 2000

30 Dalils Why Mahathir Cannot Be A Witness at Anwar Ibrahim's Trial

KUALA LUMPUR, Feb 27 High Court Judge Ariffin Jaka last week put off a decision on whether Prime Minister Mahathir Mohamad can be forced to testify at the sodomy trial of former Deputy Prime Minister Anwar Ibrahim. The High Court Judge said he needed to hear arguments from Anwar's lawyers, who subpoenaed Mahathir four months ago, on why they felt Mahathir's testimony was crucial in defending the former Deputy Prime Minister.

'Not The New Straits Times', in the meantime, has exclusively received the following secret document - '30 Dalils Why Mahathir Cannot Be A Witness at Anwar Ibrahim's Trial' - to counter the defence team's arguments:

Dalil 1: Mahathir does not want to be placed at the same level as a bankrupt 32-year old virgin and a stained mattress

Dalil 2: He might cause one of the mounted policemen guarding the court compound to fall off his horse.

Dalil 3: High Court Judge Ariffin Jaka already told him to stop shooting his mouth off about the Anwar case.

Dalil 4: He might testify that the sodomy was self-inflicted

Dalil 5: The court still remembers Mahathir's famous quote of 1988: "Hang the lawyers! Hang the judges!"

Dalil 6: He might join the pro-Anwar demonstrators outside the courthouse and persuade them to march on Seattle

Dalil 7: Like a previous witness, he might not be able to remember where, what day and what time the sodomy acts were committed

Dalil 8: The Special Branch haven't turned him over yet

Dalil 9: He is abiding by the UMNO Supreme Council's 'No Testify' Rule

Dalil 10: He'd already testified to Anwar's guilt in numerous press conferences in Tokyo, New York and London since 1998, apart from his frequent testimonies over the local newspapers and television

Dalil 11: Tengku Razaleigh might sneak up on him from behind while he's busy in court and suddenly become UMNO President

Dalil 12: He couldn't understand the subpoena from Anwar's lawyers because it was in Bahasa Baku

Dalil 13: He'll be away overseas yet again fighting the foreigners out to re-colonise us

Dalil 14: He does not want to look stupid by repeating his statement in 1997 that anyone who believed the accusations against Anwar was "stupid"

Dalil 15: He would not be the first Prime Minister to appear in court and therefore would not qualify for a placing in the Guinness Book of World Records

Dalil 16: He's hasn't had time to have all of Anwar's lawyers charged for sedition yet

Dalil 17: He doesn't have any ties loud enough to match Ummi Hafilda's outfits

Dalil 18: The last time UMNO was in court, it was declared illegal

Dalil 19: He does not believe there is a secret political conspiracy to destroy Anwar - everyone knows it's no secret now

Dalil 20: He is not above the law - he is the law

The remaining 10 Dalils: It's just 10 more campaigning weeks before the UMNO Elections!

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