In light of the recent appointment of Malaysia’s new Deputy Prime Minister,
the Prime Minister’s Department is pleased to invite applications from
patriotic Malaysians to fill the following vacant positions:
Applicants need not have any previous driving experience or even a valid
driver’s license - but an excellent memory is essential. Applicants MUST
be able to remember details such as dates, times and hotel names. Applicants
will be tested on their memory retention abilities on at least 15 items
as part of the interview process.
Company directors are encouraged to apply.
The successful applicant would be responsible for the maintenance of
bed sheets, mattresses, pillows, cushions, carpets and other household
items in the new Deputy Prime Minister’s Residence. Applicants must have
a Ph.D. in Microbiology, Genetic Engineering and/or Organic Chemistry,
with proven exposure to the latest advanced DNA testing techniques.
Candidates would be tested on their knowledge of ‘stochastic variance’
(or, at the very least, be asked to spell it).
This position is being filled in anticipation of the publication of
an up-coming book with the working title “50 Dalil Mengapa Abdullah Ahmad
Badawi Tidak Boleh Menjadi PM”. Applicants need not have any proven writing
ability beyond Primary School Bahasa Malaysia, but applicants must have
a flair for fiction, a wild imagination and an excellent sense of the perverse.
Applicants must have a good working knowledge of the mechanics of sexual
acts such as sodomy, masturbation and adultery. A knowledge of perversions
such as paedophilia and bestiality, as well as a complete lack of scruples,
would be distinct advantages.
Applicants with garishly coloured hair and awful dress sense would be
DEPUTY PRIME MINISTER
Going by tradition and past experience, we expect the above post to
be vacant in the not-too-distant future. Applicants are required to be
exact replicas of the Prime Minister.
Please address your applications, with
c.v. and passport-sized photograph (n.r.) to:
Y.A.B. The Advertiser
Jabatan Perdana Menteri
Jalan Dato’ Onn
50502 Kuala Lumpur
by February 1st, 1999
Shortlisted candidates will be invited for a confidential interview
at Bukit Aman Police Headquarters. Full confidentiality is assured.