Not The New Straits Times

March 16 - 31, 2000

Published twice monthly


Two-month jail sentence sparks outrage

UMNO introduces new party salute

Anwar charged with causing grevious hurt

It was just a few friendly punches, says Rahim aide

Melaka to introduce apartheid

Mysterious illness strikes Anwar trial

Malaysia in bid for 2008 Olympics


Police protest negative public image

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UMNO introduces new party salute
In its efforts to strengthen the party, foster Malay unity and promote Islamic values, UMNO this month introduced a new party salute consisting of an open palm repeatedly striking a closed fist. The new salute was unveiled to thousands of stunned on-lookers by Pahang Chief Minister Adnan Yakob at the nomination centre for the Sanggang by-election.

UMNO Pahang senior official Datuk K Bhutto said that the salute - popularly referred to as the 'Adnan Hand-Job' - was selected after Adnan had tested various salutes and greetings with crowds to gauge the response. "He tried the classic middle-finger up, he tried the popular red thumb squeezed between the forefinger and middle-finger, he even tried to moon the crowd that day at Sanggang. Fortunately, nearby UMNO supporters restrained him and he could only manage to wriggle his arse."

Adnan showing supporters what he's doing to Pahang

Sanggang By-Election poster

He said that the Adnan Hand-Job will now replace the current salute UMNO members greet each other with - the upraised arm of the Nazi salute.

"This new salute is a potent, defining symbol of the UMNO struggle," Bhutto added, with tears of pride running down his cheeks. "It clearly and proudly conveys the UMNO message: 'I am an UMNO man I can do anything I like and get away with it so F*** YOU!'"

In a related development, the Tourism Ministry may consider the 'Adnan Hand Job' as the officially approved way Malaysians greet foreign visitors to the country. A Ministry spokesman who refused to be named said that plans to have Malaysians greet visitors by placing the right hand over the heart had run into opposition from hotels and state tourism agencies and did not catch on. "We hope millions of Malaysians will now be smacking their fists at tourists and at each other all across the country."

"And the beauty of it is that those bloody foreigners won't even know we're telling them to f*** off! Buahahahahaha!!!" he added with a maniacal cackle.