Malaysia wins the Oscar!

March 21st, 1999

Malaysia sweeps 71st Academy Awards with 10 Oscars!

Los Angeles, March 21 .... It’s Oscar night again! And Malaysia astounded the international entertainment world when it swept ten Oscars at the 71st Annual Academy Awards Ceremony held in Los Angeles this evening.

Congratulating the makers of the ten Malaysian films that brought honour to the country, veteran Malaysian film-maker D P Vijandran hoped that the ten movies would be screened for Malaysians to enjoy before the Attorney-General’s Department orders the burning of the videotapes. This was due to a High Court Judge ruling that the tapes were inadmissable and irrelevant, and the Judge imposed a gag order on media coverage of the tapes.

And the nominees were ... (the envelope please) ....

Best Original Screenplay
“Pulp Dalil”

Based loosely on the Quentin Tarantino hit “Pulp Fiction”, the film tells the story of a small-time hoodlum, Caled Jeffry, who leaves his life of crime on the streets to embark upon a life of crime in literature. He fails his university entrance test when he is unable to recite the Alphabet (he could only manage to get to “D”), but is consoled by Ummi Thurman Ali, a small-time hooker obsessed with Deputy Prime Ministers. She helps Jeffry embark upon his super-novel - she writing the stories and him dotting the “i”s - after the two of them are inspired by reading a copy of the National Enquirer. They manage to publish their book ‘Pulp Dalil’ when a short balding man with a liking for small big-breasted women funds its publication. The book becomes an overnight hit, and Jeffry achieves his lifetime ambition of having orange hair.

Best Supporting Actor
“The X-Files: Who Am I?”

This second X-Files movie sees FBI Agents Fox Mulder, Dana Scully and Jacky Chan investigating the sudden discovery of a shy, slightly stupid-looking man by a tribe of South African natives. The man, Azizan, is found wandering aimlessly in the jungle, having lost all his memory and repeatedly mumbling incoherently “I can’t remember where, I can’t remember what time, I can’t remember what day ....”. Mulder uncovers “an evil conspiracy that reaches the highest levels of government”, but the skeptical Scully rules it as “irrelevant”. Azizan suddenly recovers his memory when Jacky accidentally kick-boxes his head while he is blindfolded and handcuffed. Our hero becomes the successful director of a company that is not quite sure what it does and not quite sure how much it makes.

Best Directing
“Green Card”

This romantic comedy tells the story of young Filipino man who leaves his poor village in search of work in Malaysia. He marries a tacky Malaysian bimbo (played by Ummi Thurman Ali) in the hope of getting a work permit - a green card - but divorces her when he suddenly discovers Anwar Ibrahim’s picture under her pillow. Fortunately, he is offered a Malaysian identity card in return for voting for the “right” candidate. The story ends on a happy note when he not only obtains work, but is also elected the State’s Chief Minister and hops over to the MIC the very next day.

Best Actor
“Rocky Rahim”

Rocky Rahim is a struggling boxer trying to make the big-time. The movie sees Rocky training hard every day, perfecting his technique of punches, slaps and karate chops with practice sessions on passing street demonstrators. He finally gets a chance to fight the number two heavyweight champion, Apollo Anwar, and triumphs when he somehow convinces the referee to handcuff and blindfold his opponent during the fight. The movie ends happily when the Chairman of the Royal Boxing Commission investigates Rocky and tells him “you, shut up, come to my room...!”

Best Supporting Cast
“Dead Lawyers Society”

Two local law students - the painfully shy Danny Patel and slightly intelligence-challenged More Tar Abdulla - find a hero and mentor in their new law lecturer Professor Keating Augustine. The Professor encourages them to challenge the usual legal norms and the status quo, telling them to “Seize the Day, seize the evidence, seize the law books - and throw them out the window! Law is irrelevant! Justice is irrelevant! I am irrelevant!” Each of the boys, in their own way, does this and are changed for life - and, ultimately, imprisoned for life as well.

Best Foreign Language Film
“Penulis, Wartawan dan ...”

This drama tells the story of a poor struggling writer who eventually becomes a rich billionaire editor. Starting his career writing his ‘other thoughts’, he finds he enjoys writing cheques even more. Our hero meets a tragic end when he is mobbed and killed by a crowd of prostitutes in front of Istana Negara whom he accused of being demonstrators.

Best Musical Soundtrack
“Renong Titanic”

People said it was unsinkable. It was the biggest, the longest, the highest, the tallest. But when the Renong Titanic struck an iceberg (or was it a Goldberg?) in the stormy waters of the Soros Sea, hundreds perished in vain attempts to bail-out the freezing recession. Hundreds more died when they could not pay the tolls required to board the lifeboats. Features the hit Celine Dion love song “My Government Will Go On” and the gospel classic “Nearer My PM To Thee”

Best Actress
“Fatal Attraction”

This crime thriller tells the story of a mentally unbalanced woman (yes, Ummi Thurman Ali again!) who designs tacky, gaudy clothing and is cursed with a physical disability - she was born with a handphone permanently attached to her right ear. Her father disowns her after he is struck blind by the rather loud colours of her dresses. In a fit of anguish, she becomes a psychotic and is obsessed with the Deputy Prime Minister. At first she just carries a small photograph of him everywhere she went - but her family finally recognises she needs major help when she tries to squeeze a 40 foot by 20 foot framed canvas painting of Anwar into her small Christian Dior handbag. She dies horribly - she is electrocuted styling and blow-drying her hair - and her body is made into a statue posing fashionably in front of the steps of the High Court building in Kuala Lumpur. Her distraught brother - Az One - becomes psychotic too and becomes obsessed with a local singer-actress (watch out for “Fatal Attraction II”!).

This movie was also awarded the Oscar for Best Sound Recording by Sng Chihuahua.

Best Special Effects
“Mahazilla”

This sci-fi epic sees the radiation from French nuclear testing in the Soros Sea transforming a senile old man obsessed with shooting himself into a huge oversized lizard that is as high as the Petronas Twin Towers. The monster proceeds to stomp on buildings across the country - courthouses, newspaper offices, universities, stock exchanges, banks, public gatherings - and squashes anything and everything that gets in its way. Local Dugong scientists and bomohs finally learn that the monster is behaving so violently because it is pregnant and placates the beast by offering its offspring high positions in shipping companies and AIDS charities.

Best Movie
“An Wars”

The remnants of the old democracy have been swept away! Now the Emperor maintains control with the dreaded ISA Death Star! Anwar “Skywalker” and Princess Aziza try to stop the forces of darkness, with the help of their friends Fadhil Solo, Obi-Gwan Eng and the droid R2-PRM2. But Anwar “Skywalker” is captured by the evil Lord Rahim Vader and the movie reaches a climax when the two of them fight with those sword thingies that look like fluorescent lamps. Anwar “Skywalker” is forced to use The Force when he has to fight blindfolded and handcuffed. Will Skywalker defeat the evil forces of the Dark Lord? Will justice prevail? Will democracy triumph? Let’s wait for the General Elections - and may The Farce be with you!

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