|KUALA LUMPUR, Nov 20. . . . Leaders from the ruling Nazional
Front (BN) today expressed outrage over recent local media coverage which
they claimed was "biased towards the Opposition" and "mocked
the true spirit of fairplay, freedom of speech and democracy". BN
Pro-Defamation Committee head Ibrahim al-Kataki cited recent newspaper
reports on the Opposition parties which he said "contained no references
at all to sodomy, extremism, violence or riots"
"The 'Utusan Meloya' today carried an article urging people not
to vote for PAS which did not call them extremist Muslim terrorists,"
Kataki fumed. "The 'Berita Hairan' yesterday published a series of
articles criticising Parti Keadilan, but made no mention at all of sodomy.
The Chinese press attacked the DAP but no where was the word 'racist' seen
in their articles. And the Star today even acknowledged the existence of
the PRM. We also saw only thirty-five articles yesterday calling the Opposition
'rioters' and 'looters'"
"This is despite us taking all that trouble writing those stupid
articles for them," he noted sadly.
Kataki, who heads a special committee monitoring media coverage, also
noted that the local press was not giving the Nazional Front fair coverage.
"For example, yesterday's issue of the 'New Strait-jacket Times' only
quotes our beloved Prime Minister 365 times. We only saw 65 pictures of
him in yesterday's 'The SUNk'. Essential coverage in 'The STARved' on how
amazingly wonderful the Nazional Front is sometimes had to make way for
frivolous news items on floods and murders."
"We find this blatant favouritism towards the Opposition alarming.
Freedom of speech in our country is in dire danger."
Kataki also expressed "worrying concern" about the declining
state of morals in recent newspaper coverage. "I have not seen any
lurid articles on sodomy, masturbation, anuses, penises or mattress stains
in days. What is our local media coming to?"
Local newspaper editors reiterated that the local media is still "deeply
committed" to ensuring the fair and just publication of sycopantic,
grovelling articles praising the divine greatness of the ruling party and
vilifying the evil, depraved Opposition. "We have not forgotten our
role as the voice of the BN, oops, I mean the voice of the people,"
said one not-very-bright newspaper editor.
Another editor described Kataki's concerns as unfounded. "This
is most unfair - he has no right to accuse us of having any sense of fairplay,
morality, jounalistic ethics, professionalism, integrity or self-respect.
Any fool who reads the papers will know we lost these months ago."
"We are still the same weak, spineless, arse-licking sycopants
we were a year ago - and jolly proud of it too," he reiterated.
Another leading editor lamented that ensuring fair coverage was not
an easy job. "Every day, we have to write dozens of fake letters to
ourselves praising the divine wisdom of the government and attacking the
dark powers of the Opposition. Do you know how difficult it is to write
those things without making them all sound the same?"
"Anyway, I don't know what all the fuss is about," he remarked
in frustration. "No one believes anything we write anyway."
In a related development, the Prime Minister Mahathir Mohamad was last
night presented with a 'Journalist of The Year Award' from the National
Press Club. The award was presented by the Prime Minister Mahathir Mohamad.
Press Club president Willy Brownnose said the award was in recognition
of the great number of articles he had written in the media over the years.
"He may have not actually written the articles - but you can be sure
it's him talking. Almost everything you read in the local newspapers, he
would have a hand in it somewhere. He is a most prolific journalist,"
said Brownnose admiringly.
"I am touched," Mahathir said as he presented himself with
the award. "It is difficult being a journalist today. There is so
much competition - especially from myself".
He cited a number of articles written last year as being the proudest
moments in his journalistic career, among them being scoops such as "Anwar
beat himself up", "Dr M to resign when economy recovers"
and "There is no rift with DPM".
Note: The above is a political satire and pure, unadulterated
fiction - in fact, just like what you read in the papers.