Nov 20, 1999

BN outraged over biased local media coverage

KUALA LUMPUR, Nov 20. . . . Leaders from the ruling Nazional Front (BN) today expressed outrage over recent local media coverage which they claimed was "biased towards the Opposition" and "mocked the true spirit of fairplay, freedom of speech and democracy". BN Pro-Defamation Committee head Ibrahim al-Kataki cited recent newspaper reports on the Opposition parties which he said "contained no references at all to sodomy, extremism, violence or riots"

"The 'Utusan Meloya' today carried an article urging people not to vote for PAS which did not call them extremist Muslim terrorists," Kataki fumed. "The 'Berita Hairan' yesterday published a series of articles criticising Parti Keadilan, but made no mention at all of sodomy. The Chinese press attacked the DAP but no where was the word 'racist' seen in their articles. And the Star today even acknowledged the existence of the PRM. We also saw only thirty-five articles yesterday calling the Opposition 'rioters' and 'looters'"

"This is despite us taking all that trouble writing those stupid articles for them," he noted sadly.

Kataki, who heads a special committee monitoring media coverage, also noted that the local press was not giving the Nazional Front fair coverage. "For example, yesterday's issue of the 'New Strait-jacket Times' only quotes our beloved Prime Minister 365 times. We only saw 65 pictures of him in yesterday's 'The SUNk'. Essential coverage in 'The STARved' on how amazingly wonderful the Nazional Front is sometimes had to make way for frivolous news items on floods and murders."

"We find this blatant favouritism towards the Opposition alarming. Freedom of speech in our country is in dire danger."

Kataki also expressed "worrying concern" about the declining state of morals in recent newspaper coverage. "I have not seen any lurid articles on sodomy, masturbation, anuses, penises or mattress stains in days. What is our local media coming to?"

Local newspaper editors reiterated that the local media is still "deeply committed" to ensuring the fair and just publication of sycopantic, grovelling articles praising the divine greatness of the ruling party and vilifying the evil, depraved Opposition. "We have not forgotten our role as the voice of the BN, oops, I mean the voice of the people," said one not-very-bright newspaper editor.

Another editor described Kataki's concerns as unfounded. "This is most unfair - he has no right to accuse us of having any sense of fairplay, morality, jounalistic ethics, professionalism, integrity or self-respect. Any fool who reads the papers will know we lost these months ago."

"We are still the same weak, spineless, arse-licking sycopants we were a year ago - and jolly proud of it too," he reiterated.

Another leading editor lamented that ensuring fair coverage was not an easy job. "Every day, we have to write dozens of fake letters to ourselves praising the divine wisdom of the government and attacking the dark powers of the Opposition. Do you know how difficult it is to write those things without making them all sound the same?"

"Anyway, I don't know what all the fuss is about," he remarked in frustration. "No one believes anything we write anyway."

In a related development, the Prime Minister Mahathir Mohamad was last night presented with a 'Journalist of The Year Award' from the National Press Club. The award was presented by the Prime Minister Mahathir Mohamad.

Press Club president Willy Brownnose said the award was in recognition of the great number of articles he had written in the media over the years. "He may have not actually written the articles - but you can be sure it's him talking. Almost everything you read in the local newspapers, he would have a hand in it somewhere. He is a most prolific journalist," said Brownnose admiringly.

"I am touched," Mahathir said as he presented himself with the award. "It is difficult being a journalist today. There is so much competition - especially from myself".

He cited a number of articles written last year as being the proudest moments in his journalistic career, among them being scoops such as "Anwar beat himself up", "Dr M to resign when economy recovers" and "There is no rift with DPM".

Note: The above is a political satire and pure, unadulterated fiction - in fact, just like what you read in the papers.

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