Are you worried that you are becoming a tool of foreigners jealous of our success and out to recolonise us? Do you wonder if you are actually a loyal, patriotic Malaysian who supports the Barisan Nasional, the ISA and water cannons? Do you really know where your family, loved ones and friends stand on these issues? Are you embarrassed and dumb-struck when asked at cocktail parties what you think of Reformasi or Dr Mahathir? Or are you just a dazed, confused fence-sitter who's just not sure?

Well, fret no more! The Reformasi Aptitude Test will tell you exactly which side of the political fence you stand on. Just choose your answers to the simple questions below and count up your score.

1. The Internal Security Act is …….

A. an unjust, cruel law that abuses fundamental human rights by detaining people without trial and it should be abolished immediately

B. an essential law that protects our rights, freedom and democracy by detaining without trial people suspected of working for foreigners out to recolonise us!

C. an unjust, cruel law that abuses fundamental human rights by detaining people without trial and it should be abolished immediately … after we've put all the Barisan National leaders behind bars under it!

D. a law used by the Malaysia internal Security Commission to ensure that our share market price always go up one lah!

2. Anwar Ibrahim is ……

A. a former Deputy Prime Minister whose arrest, detention and trial has now raised many questions about the state of freedom, democracy and justice in our country

B. a traitorous, adulterous, sodomite under the pay of foreigners out to recolonise us and he should be beaten up and put behind bars for the rest of his life!

C. the greatest leader our country has ever known who is as innocent as a lamb and is now the victim of a devilish conspiracy of people working for Mahathir and his cronies

D. Oh, he no longer our DPM, ah?

3. Mahathir Mohamad is …..

A. the Prime Minister whose handling of the arrest, detention and trial of Anwar Ibrahim has now raised many questions about the state of freedom, democracy and justice in our country

B. the greatest leader our country has ever known who is as innocent as a lamb and is now the victim of a devilish conspiracy of people working for foreigners out to recolonise us!

C. an evil, cruel, heartless dictator who is destroying the country and should be toppled and put behind bars for the rest of his life!

D. I think Mahathir our Prime Minister, right?

4. The Internet is ….

A. an alternative source of information and views that you won't find in the mainstream media

B. a den of rumour, slander and lies being used by people working for foreigners jealous of our success who are paying webmasters tens of thousands of dollars to discredit the achievements of our great leaders in the Barisan Nasional

C. the only place where you find the REAL truth of Mahathir's Israeli bank accounts

D. where you can get lots of nice pictures of naked women and can talk dirty on chat channels

5. Is the local media doing a good job in covering political developments in the country?

A. No, it is doing a poor job in playing its role as a champion of free expression and speech in the country

B. Yes, it is doing a great job in showing how our country is now in danger of being recolonised by foreigners jealous of our success and what a traitorous, adulterous, sodomite Anwar Ibrahim is

C. Absolutely not, it is doing a poor job in showing Mahathir as an evil, cruel, heartless dictator who is destroying the country and not revealing the REAL truth of his Israeli bank accounts

D. Don't know … I only read the TV and sports pages lah!

6. What was the first thing that entered your mind when it was suggested last year that Anwar Ibrahim had beaten himself up in prison?

A. That can't be right - there's something very wrong going on here.

B. I knew it all along - that Anwar is capable of anything!

C. It was Mahathir himself who beat him up!

D. Aiyo, our DPM in prison ah?

7. What would you do if you were out shopping in Jalan TAR and found yourself right in the middle of a Reformasi demonstration?

A. Ask a demonstrator what is going on and why they are doing this

B. Grab one of the demonstrators and beat him up to a pulp before handing him over to the FRU

C. Pick up the nearest DBKL dustbin and start setting it on fire

D. Cabut larilah! Run like the wind! Nothing to do with me lo ….

8. What is democracy to you?

A. It is the right of the people to be able to have a say in the running of the country by choosing who their elected representatives are and having the freedom to publicly express our views in the media, associations or groups while they govern so that they continue to represent our needs and aspirations

B. It is the right of the people to choose Barisan National politicians as their elected representatives

C. It is the right of the people to choose their elected representatives, just as long as they are NOT Barisan National politicians

D. Don't know and don't care - just leave my rice-bowl alone

9. Have you read 'Asian Renaissance'?

A. I do know that it is a book by Anwar Ibrahim about the development and transformation of Asian societies and cultures based on a certain vision truth, justice, compassion, tolerance and freedom with responsibility.

B. No - but I burnt a copy at an UMNO Youth rally just a couple of days ago

C. Yes - I have memorised the whole thing by heart and can recite any passage from any chapter.

D. How you pronounce that, ah?

10. Who is Sabri Zain?

A. I think he's that writer on the Internet who has that diary of eyewitness accounts and satires on different aspects of the Reformasi movement

B. That evil, slanderous writer who is a devilish tool of those foreigners jealous of our success and out to recolonise us

C. He's that brave, courageous Harakah writer who is exposing the evil, cruel, heartless government that is destroying the country

D. Who? Any relation to Ziana Zain, ah?

YOUR SCORE:

Count the number of 'A's, 'B's, 'C's and 'D's that you ticked to see which alphabet you selected the most.

Mostly 'A's: You probably know why there is a need for some change - you're just not quite sure how. You recognise the government's achievements - but you also recognise the grave mistakes they made. You sympathise with the Opposition's call for reforms - but you also know they have their grave weaknesses. You have your doubts about them forming a strong, united government - but you also know there is something very wrong with the present one. You're probably going to be in quite a dilemma when you're actually in the voting booth - but you also know that the coming elections aren't the end of it all. You are probably pro-reformasi - but with a small 'r' - though you may not want to admit it.

Mostly 'B's: You are a pro-government redneck to the core. You probably wake up from bed every morning screaming "Malaysia Boleh!" before you go to the bathroom. You would vote Barisan Nasional even if they put up a chicken as a candidate in your constituency. You're probably one of those guys who had flags at all four corners of your car when they were handing them out last year. You sing 'Setia' in your sleep. You are obsessed with evil foreigners. You cry as well when you see the PM cry on TV. The government can do no wrong at all in your eyes.

Mostly 'C's: You are a pro-Reformasi redneck to the core. You probably wake up from bed every morning screaming "Reformasi!" before you go to the bathroom. You would vote Opposition even if they put up a chicken as a candidate in your constituency. You're probably one of those guys who had Anwar posters plastered all over your car during the Jalan TAR demos. You sing 'Barisan Kita' in your sleep. You are obsessed with evil cronies. You laugh when you see the PM cry on TV. The Opposition can do no wrong at all in your eyes.

Mostly 'D's: You basically don't give a flying f*** about anything. You don't care who rules the country, just as long as they don't bother you. You would probably be more outraged by your favourite TV serial being taken off the air than by police beatings or demos just down the road. You can name the complete cast of 'Friends' - but will have difficulty naming anyone in the Cabinet or who the leaders of the Opposition are. You won't vote Opposition or Government - you never bothered to register. You do not care about other's opinions primarily because you have none of your own. Your future - and that of your children and their children - will not be determined by you, but by others - because you do not want to contribute or get involved or be heard - you just can't be bothered. You're probably the saddest one among this bunch.