|KUALA LUMPUR, Dec 13 . . . . Experts from around the world converged
on Malaysia to investigate a recent flurry of reports highlighting extraordinary
paranormal phenomena occuring in several parts of the country.
to have been a spate of strange sightings in just the past few weeks," said Fox
Mouldy, the editor and chief investigator of 'Booo!' magazine, a respected journal
of paranormal research. "The sightings cover the whole spectrum of paranormal
activity - ghosts,
alien abduction, apparitions, strange disappearances, even dinosaurs. Amidst this hive of
paranormal activity, there appears to be only one common, underlying factor - the recent
Experts in extra-terrestrial phenomena, for example, are investigating reports that
more than 680,000 people who had registered to vote in the past year were unable to do so.
"Why were their names missing from the electoral rolls? Why did they not appear at
the polling booths? Where did all these people go?" Mouldy asked.
"There can only be one explanation," he concluded. "They were abducted
Mouldy claims that people were not only abducted by a huge Mothership from Mars but, in
some incidences, humans were even replaced or cloned by aliens. "Not only were some
voters' names missing from the electoral rolls but there were also voters who were told
they had already voted when, in fact, they had not. There were also claims that people had
voted more than once, at different places. Where did these extra voters come from? They
were, obviously, aliens, shape-shifters, who had taken the bodily form of existing
It was also claimed that some of these 'aliens' had not only attempted to vote but were
also offered citizenship and work permits in Malaysia if they voted for the ruling party.
"This is obviously a conspirancy that reaches up to the highest levels," Mouldy
As conclusive proof of the existence of these body-snatchers from Mars, Mouldy referred
to an issue of the Sin Chew Jit Poh newspaper last month, in which former Deputy Prime
Minister Anwar Ibrahim strangely vanished from a photograph of National Front leaders, to
be mysteriously replaced by an alien looking exactly like the current Deputy, Abdullah
"Who knows how many other Ministers in that picture are not real humans but
actually green-skinned, bug-eyed Martians?" Mouldy asked. "Who knows how many of
them are just artificial life forms? Just look at that Works Minister - does that
look like real, natural hair to you?"
Another researcher from 'Booo!', Dana Scary, is investigating sightings of
ghosts at polling stations in Malaysia last month. This follows Opposition party claims of
'indiscrepancies' in the electoral rolls resulting in hundreds, perhaps thousands, of
deceased people rising from their graves and ghoulishly walking to the nearest polling
station to vote. "One voter was shocked to find his grandfather's name in the
electoral rolls when he went to the polling station. The poor man fled in terror, as his
grandfather had died more than twenty years before."
"To make matters worse, his own name was not even listed," Scary said.
"It was as though he had vanished from the Earth, to be replaced by his dead
Scary is attempting to contact these 'phantom' voters using the services of Tok Aji, a
local psychic and clairvoyant. "So far, the only thing we know of these Living Dead
is that they all voted for the ruling National Front."
Scary is also investigating reported sightings of apparitions that had mysteriously
appeared in newspaper photographs. She was referring to claims from Opposition newspaper 'Harakah'
that a local media picture of Prime Minister Mahathir Mohamad greeting supporters had been
doctored to make the crowd look bigger than it was. The newspaper claimed that two
separate photographs had been spliced together and the resulting photograph, in fact,
contained a second 'Mahahtir' being greeted by another crowd.
"After detailed analysis, we can categorically state that the second 'figure' is
not Mahahtir," Scary declared. "It is an apparition. A ghost. Perhaps one of
these mysterious 'phantom' voters."
Scary also said they are investigating the possibility that the second Mahathir may
indeed be a clone created by the invading aliens to confuse the authorities. "We also
cannot discount the possibility that the clone was created by benevolent aliens to fulfill
the Prime Minister's desire for a replica of himself." She was referring to
Mahathir's statement in December last year, where he said that he would like his next
Deputy Prime Minister after the sacked Anwar Ibrahim to be an "exact replica of
Another member of the 'Booo!' research team, paleontologist Dr Indiana Bones, is
investigating reported sightings of dinosaurs in Malaysia. This was following recent
Opposition statements that said Dr Mahathir's new post-election Cabinet line-up for the
Millennium was "Jurassic" and "antediluvian".
"We have not only unearthed several intact fossils at our dig-site in the
Malaysian Parliament but have also videotaped living dinosaurs walking those hallowed
halls," Bones revealed. "This new species of dinosaur - the Cabinetosaurus
- shares many of the characteristics of Jurassic Period dinosaurs. They have extremely
tiny brains, they are ruthless predators, they do nothing all day but make meaningless
growling noises and they defintitely appear to be on the brink of extinction."
Dr Bones added that his team has not only discovered bones and fossils of the species
but were also uncovering many "skeletons in their cupboards".
Mouldy denied claims that the research findings from his team's investigations into
these unexplained phenomena were, basically, full of shit. "The only other logical
explanation for these strange events is that the ruling party conducted a dirty campaign
of cheating, lies and deception to win the elections. We are saying it was aliens from
"Which do you believe?" Mouldy asked, as he wriggled in his strait-jacket and
asked to be beamed up back to the Federation Starship Enterprise.
Note: The above is not satire - it is science fiction!