|KUALA LUMPUR, Nov 18 . . . . Just days before the arrival of Chinese Premier
Zhu Rongji to Malaysia for an official state visit, the Mahathir Chinese Association (MCA)
today announced that it has nominated Zhu to be their candidate for the Bukit Bintang
parliamentary constituency in the coming general elections.
MCA branch leader Ting Tow
Kay vehemently denied claims that the ruling party is using Premier Zhus visit to
win Chinese votes in the run-up to the elections and that the shock nomination was just
part of that strategy. It is a lie to say that he would be drawn into the Barisan
Nasional's general election campaign. This is not a desperate ploy to woo Chinese votes.
Just because we want the Chinese Premier to go around the country, cuddle up with the
Prime Minister and ask Malaysian Chinese to vote for us does not mean that we are
Not to be outdone, Mahathir Indian Congress (MIC) officials added that they were also
inviting Indian Prime Minister Atal Behari Vajpayee for a State visit to Sungai Siput next
week. This is not a desperate ploy to woo Indian votes. Just because we want the
Indian Prime Minister to go around the country, cuddle up with the Prime Minister and ask
Malaysian Indians to vote for us does not mean that we are desperate.
Chinese embassy spokesman Ling Rionxick confirmed receipt of the nomination papers but
declined to reveal if the Premier had accepted the nomination. His Excellency is
flattered by the gesture but must give some reflection to this matter. The government of
the Peoples Republic is not very familiar with this democracy thingy, you know
but, then again, neither is yours.
Nevertheless, Ling added that Premier Zhu was looking forward to the State Visit.
Hundreds, possibly thousands, of pro-democracy activists and government opponents
have been detained in China over the past year. Some had been sentenced after unfair
trials, others are held without charge or trial. Political trials continued to fall short
of international fair trial standards. The media in China is cowed. Opposition is
silenced. Torture, beatings and ill-treatment of political prisoners is common.
There is a lot we share in common with Malaysia. His Excellency will feel right
Meanwhile, Ling added that preparations are underway to give Premier Zhu a rousing
welcome to Malaysia. Merdeka Square has been renamed Tiananmen Square in honour of his
visit. The new name certainly more truly reflects what has been happening there for
the past year, Ling noted.
Zhu will also be inspecting a guard of honour consisting of 500 FRU riot police. This
will be followed by a special display of crowd control techniques, where riot police will
disperse a crowd of illegal assembly detainees with water cannons, tear gas and baton
charges. We are sure the premier will be highly entertained by the display and it
will be educational
The two countries will also announce a number of diplomatic breakthroughs during the
visit. Malaysia has agreed to respect the Peoples Republics claims to
the Spratly Islands. In exchange, China has agreed to let Malaysia use various remote,
cold parts of Tibet as a holiday spa for its political detainees.
Various trade agreements are also expected to be announced, including a unique barter
trade deal where Malaysia will exchange a number of water cannons used in this years
Kuala Lumpur demonstrations for a platoon of Chinese T-84 tanks that were used at
Foreign Ministry officials would not comment if the visit of the Chinese Premier
represented a shift from official government policy that foreigners were out to
re-colonise us. For no apparent reason, they also denied ever meeting officials from the
Israeli Foreign Ministry or ever having heard of Israel.
Note: All names, organisations and characters mentioned in the above political
satire are fictional and bear no relevance to actual persons living, dead, brain-dead or
under the Internal Security Act.