IN THIS ISSUE
lands in Kelantan
sacks Opposition supporters
assault trial postponed
on the rise
claims RMAF is crap
soaps 'a bad influence'
FEATURE: The Knowledge Economy
wants 'brain gain'
media system mooted
the 'secrecy syndrome', says PM
makes quantum leap into IT
|UFO lands in Kelantan
|A large object emitting rays of light was
reported to have landed on a piece of marshland in Tanah Merah, Kelantan,
stunning some 1,000 on-lookers. Local villagers said the object descended
from the sky at about 3 a.m., leaving a 15m x 3m crater at the landing
site. While engineers from the Drainage and Irrigation Department said
the formation of the crater was "not unusual", reports have recently
emerged claiming that locals have already been abducted by aliens. Suspicion
grew when it was later revealed that, coincidentally, all the abductees
were UMNO members who intended to nominate Tengku Razaleigh Hamzah for
top posts in the upcoming UMNO elections.
One terror-stricken victim who escaped his alien captors
said the UFO was piloted by frog-like creatures wearing songkoks and strange
red and white uniforms. "They performed unspeakable medical experiments
on me, while chanting repeatedly 'Don't nominate Ku Li, don't nominate
Ku Li ….' "
Another victim who managed to evade his kidnappers said
the aliens promised to release him "just as soon as the elections
in May are over."
Skeptical FBI investigator Dana Scully dismissed the claims
that supporters of Tengku Razaleigh were abducted by aliens. "These
people aren't missing at all - they're just too scared to leave their homes
to nominate him."
|Melaka sacks Opposition supporters
The Melaka Chief Minister Mohamed Ali Rustam has issued
a directive to the State administration to terminate the contracts of doctors
and lawyers who are known to be supporters of Opposition parties. A leading
official of the civil serbants' union, CUEPACS, Mr Siva Kotetonggi welcomed
the move. "Civil servants must swear their blind, unswerving loyalty
to the government," he declared, as he removed his nose from the anus
of Mohamed Ali in a press conference in Melaka this month.
Kotetinggi said the move was not a spiteful vendetta against
the Opposition but merely an attempt to be fair to doctors and lawyers
who supported the government. "It is only right that Opposition supporters
are replaced with people who will sink and swim with the government - no
matter how stupid, incompetent or corrupt they are," he said, as he
crawled slowly on all fours while kissing the feet of the Chief Minister.
expects nothing less than blind loyalty
"The government should expect only the best - the
best arse-lickers, I mean," he added, demonstrating his loyalty by
applying his tongue to the Chief Minister's bottom.
"The government has every right to punish employees
who voted for the Opposition," Kotetonggi said as he attempted to
gently carry the Minister's scrotum. "If the Chief Minister doesn't
like your political beliefs or your religious beliefs or the colour of
your skin or that squint in your eye, it is his democratic right to get
rid of you for someone with the right 'qualifications'"
Kotetonggi encouraged the government to take sterner action
against all Malaysians who did not pledge their undying love to the Nazional
Front and its glorious leaders. "Don't just stop at transfers and
sackings. Opposition supporters should be deported, hanged, shot! Send
them to the concentration camps! Sieg heil! Sieg heil! Sieg heil!"