IN THIS ISSUE
Bug virus wreaks havoc
committed to democracy
says he might resign ... again
rift with Daim, says Mahathir
police disperse illegal assemblies
recover missing person
introduce sex education programme
was self-inflicted, say Sanusi supporters
committed to eradicating corruption
committed to Youth
committed to scandalizing Anwar
committed to the Malay Agenda
|Love Bug virus wreaks
A virus spread by mail messages titled 'ILOVEUMNO' has caused
havoc in Malaysia after crippling the brains of more than 2,000 people
in Kuala Lumpur and threatening the intelligence of millions more in the
country. The virus first appeared in the early days of May, causing thousands
of people to flock to hotels in Kuala Lumpur expecting envelopes of cash
to be slipped under the doors of their hotel rooms. Once users open these
envelopes, they are immediately contaminated by the virus, which then causes
them to be spineless sycophantic idiots who clap and cheer wildly at any
puerile utterance from the UMNO leadership.
The virus then spreads, causing victims to be transformed
into lifeless zombies mumbling "I Love UMNO kini, sekarang dan selamanya"
repeatedly for years on end. The virus spreads even more rapidly in enclosed
areas such as the Putra World Trade Centre.
"ILOVEUMNO': A brain-damaging virus
|A more vicious hybrid of the virus, the 'ILOVEMAHATHIR'
virus, can completely destroy every shred of a person's free will, integrity,
self-respect and independent thought, causing victims to fall to their
knees in servile, humiliating homage to Prime Minister Mahathir Mohamad.
Users are advised to protect themselves from the devastating
virus by deleting from their minds any text that contain the word 'UMNO'
Thousands crippled by the
virus at PWTC
UMNO committed to upholding democracy
'Nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah': Mahathir
greets Tengku Razaleigh, on being re-elected UMNO President
|The UMNO Elections this month clearly demonstrated UMNO's
commitment to upholding democracy when the president, deputy president
and youth chief of the movement were all re-elected unopposed. "This
demonstrates that democracy is alive and strong in UMNO," said an
UMNO delegate who refused to be named. "In fact, we have made democracy
simpler to use - we give people the choice of only one person to vote for,
so they dont have to make any difficult choices."
Another delegate who refused to be named added that the
next General Assembly should probably dispense with all the time-wasting
caused by elections and just declare Mahathir president for life, Abdullah
Badawi deputy president for life and Hishammuddin Youth head for life.
"That way, we can have more time during the Assembly to make droning
speeches worshipping, idolizing and praising the party leadership."
Many of the motions tabled at the General Assembly by
the delegates also reflected UMNO's strong stand on democracy. Among these
were motions to fire civil servants who did not support UMNO; ban opposition
newspapers; ban opposition parties; stop scholarships of students who did
not support UMNO; recruit only civil servants who supported UMNO and award
government projects and contracts only to UMNO supporters. "UMNO is
clearly becoming more liberal, tolerant and open to criticism," the
delegate mused. 'Frankly, I personally think all these Opposition trouble-makers
should be blindfolded, handcuffed and beaten to a pulp by our Chief of
Police. But that is not in our culture.'