Not The New Straits Times


May 1 -15, 2000


Published twice monthly


IN THIS ISSUE

Love Bug virus wreaks havoc

UMNO committed to democracy

Mahathir says he might resign ... again

No rift with Daim, says Mahathir

Riot police disperse illegal assemblies

Police recover missing person

Police introduce sex education programme

It was self-inflicted, say Sanusi supporters

FEATURE: UMNO Assembly

UMNO committed to eradicating corruption

UMNO committed to Youth

UMNO committed to scandalizing Anwar

UMNO committed to the Malay Agenda



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UMNO committed to scandalizing Anwar

UMNO clearly demonstrated it is still shit scared of Anwar Ibrahim when its President devoted more than 18 paragraphs to the man in his address to the delegates, continuing the fine UMNO tradition of scandalizing the man in public without him being present to defend himself. A more permanent feature of this noble tradition was added this year when a giant mural in the Putra World Trade Centre depiciting the history of UMNO added a segment showing scenes of an angry Mahahtir next to newspapers announcing Anwar's sacking in September 1998.

An UMNO official who refused to be named said that a new mural will be added next year depicting Anwar being beaten to a pulp by former police Chief Rahim Noor, as well as scenes of Reformasi supporters being attacked by water cannon and beaten on the streets by riot police. "These are proud, noble moments in UMNO history which we want to record for posterity," the official said with tears of pride streaming in his eyes. "The new mural will also serve as a valuable lesson to future generations of UMNO leaders U Must Not Object!'"



Anwar's black eye to be featured in next year's UMNO mural


UMNO committed to the Malay Agenda


Doa to show Malays that UMNO is
just as Islamic as PAS



More than 2,000 delegates attended what was the first UMNO General Assembly of the new millennium. Below was the agenda of this historical event:

May 11th, 2000
9 am
Reciting of Doa to show Malays UMNO is just as Islamic as PAS 9.30 am Delegates sing new UMNO song "Mahahtir, Dulu, Kini dan Selamanya"
10 am - The President's Opening Address on important UMNO issues such how Malays are lazy, ungrateful and greedy and should be as loyal and money-minded as Chinese, the evil incarnate of Anwar Ibrahim, foreigners out to re-colonise us, the evil incarnate of Anwar Ibrahim, the evil incarnate of the Opposition, the evil incarnate of Anwar Ibrahim, more on the evil incarnate of Anwar Ibrahim
11 am Delegate speeches of praise, adulation and glorification of Mahahtir
1 pm Lunch break
2 pm - More delegate speeches of praise, adulation and glorification of Mahahtir
5 pm Adjourn back to hotels, discotheques and karaoke lounges to receive brown envelopes from candidates

May 12th, 2000
9 am
Motions and resolutions condemning Anwar Ibrahim
11 am Motions and resolutions praising, adoring and glorifying Mahahtir
1 pm Lunch break
2 pm Motions and resolutions condemning the Opposition, especially PAS
3 pm Motions and resolutions condemning Anwar Ibrahim (continued from morning session)
4 pm - Motions and resolutions condemning foreigners out to re-colonise us
5 pm Adjourn back to hotels, discotheques and karaoke lounges to receive more brown envelopes from remaining candidates

May 13th, 2000
9 am
Motions and resolutions condemning Anwar Ibrahim (continued from previous day)
10 am More motions and resolutions praising, adoring and glorifying Mahahtir
11 am More motions and resolutions condemning the Opposition, especially PAS
1 pm Lunch break
2 pm More motions and resolutions condemning foreigners out to re-colonise us
3 pm Final motions and resolutions condemning Anwar Ibrahim (to be continued next year)
4 pm - The President's Closing Address on important UMNO issues such how Malays are lazy, ungrateful and greedy and should be as loyal and money-minded as Chinese, the evil incarnate of Anwar Ibrahim, foreigners out to re-colonise us, the evil incarnate of Anwar Ibrahim, the evil incarnate of the Opposition, the evil incarnate of Anwar Ibrahim, more on the evil incarnate of Anwar Ibrahim
5 pm Performance of UMNO song "Mahahtir, Dulu, Kini dan Selamanya" by Siti Nurhaliza
5.10 pm Reciting of Doa to again show Malays UMNO is just as Islamic as PAS
6 pm - Adjourn back to hotels, discotheques and karaoke lounges to receive allocations of government projects and contracts

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