IN THIS ISSUE
soap opera sensation!
second longest in Asia
old called to testify in court
on Langkawi officially lifted
speaks up for Aussie natives
officials to be sent back to kindergarten
unites after UMNO elections
declares war on traitors
Justice rapped for holiday with tycoon's lawyer
|Cantonese soap opera sensation!.
A new Cantonese soap opera produced by local company MCA Productions
last month has had the nation gripped in suspense for the past few weeks.
Called "Once Upon A Time in Malaysia", the period drama revolves
around Ah Ling, a clan chieftain and a trusted Eunuch of the Emperor of
Heaven, Emperor Mah. Ah Ling helps Emperor Mah drive out the invading Moghuls
when half of the Emperor's army defects to the enemy. However, despite
this help and his persistent groveling, Ah Ling is snubbed by the Emperor
when he refuses to appoint more eunuchs from Ah Ling's clan.
Ah Ling's second-in-command Ah Lek criticizes Ah Ling
for being a Eunuch with no balls and civil war is imminent in the clan.
To add to his woes, vicious rumours emerge that Ah Ling's wealthy son is
sleeping with a fugitive bandit king by the name of Ah Soh. Dejected, Ah
Ling resigns as a Eunuch, though court officials explain it may be a little
difficult returning his testicles back to him.
Ah Ling's clan members grovel in the dirt begging him
to return to the court, then proceed to grovel in the dirt before Emperor
Mah as well. But Ah Ling retreats to meditate in a strange, far-away land
where magical animals with pouches hop around and people drink a mystical
elixir called Fosters. More clan members pursue him and grovel in the dirt,
but Ah Ling continues to sulk.
Local newspapers have been filling their pages for weeks
with new episodes of the soap opera, but local drama fans are not impressed.
"It is a typical MCA Productions soap opera," said a local Chinese
drama fan who refused to be named. "Terrible acting, weak storylines
and lame excuses, oops, I mean, lame dialogue."
"And the plot is sooooooo predictable! Give me a
Chow Yun Fat or Jet Li action movie anytime," he concluded.
Malaysia Boleh! Malaysian males are second longest
|Malaysians rank second behind the Taiwanese in the use
of Viagra, according to a survey done by the drug's manufacturer Pfizer.
A spokesman for the company, A Mahalingam, said that this
was not only evident in the use of the drug but in the example set by its
political leaders as well. "Upright and upstanding leaders such as
Dr Mahathir clearly demonstrate the philosophy behind Viagra - once you
go up, you mustn't come down!"
"The long staying power of your government's politicians
is a constant source of inspiration to Viagra users around the world."
He added that increased coverage in the local press about
sodomy, anuses, penises, masturbation and stained mattresses also helped
in creating greater awareness of sexual problems such as erectile dysfunction.
"Again, we have to thank Malaysia's political leadership for exposing
the public to these issues."
Mr Mahalingam was speaking at a special workshop organized
by UMNO on "How to write sexual 'dalils' against your opponents".
His speech, which was the climax of the event, received a firm standing
ovation from the members present.