Not The New Straits Times

May 16 -31, 2000

Published twice monthly


Cantonese soap opera sensation!

Malaysians second longest in Asia

Four-year old called to testify in court

Curse on Langkawi officially lifted

Mahathir speaks up for Aussie natives

Melaka officials to be sent back to kindergarten

Wanita unites after UMNO elections

UMNO declares war on traitors

Chief Justice rapped for holiday with tycoon's lawyer

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Mahathir speaks up for Australian natives.

Prime Minister Mahathir Mohamad last month demonstrated that he is not only the champion of the Third World but also a champion of the world's indigenous people when he sharply criticized Australia for its treatment of its aboriginal community. Mahathir last month attacked Australia as "having a lot of racial problems" and "being very unfair to the aboriginal people."

"We are proud that our PM is so sensitive to the rights of indigenous peoples," said a Sarawak government official as he toured the Bakun Dam project, which will forcibly move more than 10,000 indigenous people from their native customary lands. "Here we treat our natives with respect - except, of course, when they blockade our logging camps. Then, we have to shoot them."

When asked to comment on Mahathir's statement that Australia was a regional "bully", an official of the Australian High Commission who refused to be named assured Malaysians that Australia not be so recalcitrant in the future. "We will try to emulate Dr Mahathir's gentle style, quiet diplomacy and soft-spoken demeanour."

He said that economic ties between the two countries are normal, despite the diplomatic flare-up. "In fact, Malaysian investment in Australia is estimated at over one billion Australian dollars, mostly in the property market. And not all of it is from Tan Sri Muhammad Muhammad Taib's 'brother'."

Taib: Keen
in Australia

Wanita unites after UMNO Elections

Rafidah and Zaharah: Bickering bitches?
In true UMNO spirit, the two factions in its Women's Wing closed ranks and united after the bitter UMNO Elections by accusing each other of squandering millions in party funds, getting rid of their opponents and arguing like a pair of bickering bitches.

Rafidah Aziz, who beat Zaharah Sulaiman by a narrow 12 votes to win leadership of UMNO Wanita, displayed her generous, magnanimous and forgiving nature by immediately sacking nine State chiefs who were aligned to her opponent. She also accused Zaharah of leaving Wanita with RM1.3 million in debts. Zaharah claimed the debts were from Rafidah's previous tenure as chief.

An UMNO official who refused to be named said the sacking of the nine State chiefs was not a politically-motivated purge but normal, democratic practice. "It is normal practice in UMNO that when you lose an election, you are expected to be crushed into the dirt like an ant. UMNO is not a vengeful party."

Melaka officials to be sent back to kindergarten

Melaka State government officials may be sent back to kindergarten for refresher courses in arithmetic when the Auditor-General revealed that the state had 'lost' over RM58 million in State funds. In addition, almost all state governments departments and agencies in Melaka will be probed by the anti-corruption agency.

A state official who refused to be named said he could not understand where the RM58 million could have gone. "Perhaps we missed a couple of zeroes somewhere while we were doing the accounts."

"Investigations are underway. We should have the mystery of the missing cash solved in either six months time or half a year, whichever is shortest," the official said, after trying in vain to count to six on his fingers.

Melaka Chief Minister Mohd Ali Rustam had last year told the State assembly that the Melaka Civil Service was "the best in the world". "We didn't know he meant the best in the world at losing money," the official lamented.

UMNO Melaka politicians were confident that the losses were due to poor artithmetc rather than corruption. "The state government is confident the money was lost due to miscalculation rather than misappropriation. There is no corruption or abuse of public funds in Melaka," said a senior state politician said while sailing in the Mediterranean in his luxury yacht.