Not The New Straits Times

October, 2000

Published monthly


Police crackdown on gambling

Malaysia condemns Israeli violence

Doctors urge precautions against HFM disease

JE Virus claims new victims

Government lauds Malaysiakini press freedom award

Government to study Apostasy Bill

Poll on plunging newspaper readership reveals shock results

Government contemplates expulsion of 10 million Malaysians

UMNO attempts world record

Bakun project to be revived

Intelligent Transport System to be implemented

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Doctors urge precautions against HFM disease
Doctors nationwide are urging the public to take stringent precautions against an outbreak of HFM (Hyper-chronic Foot-in-Mouth disease) in the country. "Over the past few months, we have already seen many a senior politician with his foot in his mouth making the most ridiculous statements," said a doctor who refused to be named. "An UMNO Youth leader says demonstrations are foolish and stupid, then organizes a big noisy demonstration himself just a few days later. An MCA leader says it did not disburse millions in scholarship money to poor students for ten years because it conveniently forgot all about it. And yet another leader rants on constantly about foreigners out to recolonise us, then goes off visiting those foreigners begging them to invest in Malaysia. The disease has reached epidemic proportions."

Doctors warned that the symptoms may be completely untreatable if the sufferer has reached critical stages of disease such as being appointed to the UMNO Supreme Council.

Foot-in-Mouth epidemic has
reached highest levels of society
What are the warning symptoms of the disease?

Chronic verbal DIARROHEA;
VOMITING out the most inane, unbelievable statements;
SORE THROAT from raving and ranting all day about foreigners out to recolonise us;
SHIFTY EYES watching to see if people listening know the sufferer is lying through his teeth;
PROFOUND LOSS OF HEARING to any dissenting or independent views;
SUDDEN LOSS OF VOCAL ABILITY when confronted by public scandals; INFLAMMATION of the head;

How is the disease spread?

DIRECT CONTACT with UMNO, MCA or MIC politicians;

PROLONGED EXPOSURE to local newspapers and television news programmes;

INDIRECT CONTACT WITH ITEMS such as bribes and contracts given by infected people;

INHALING THE ATMOSPHERE of fear and repression spread by victims.

What precautions do you need to take?

COVER YOUR EYES AND EARS at any time you see a government politician on television or in the local newspapers;

AVOID PUBLIC PLACES such as the Putra World Trade Centre or events launched by any government ministers;

NOURISH your mind with alternative news, independent viewpoints and healthy debate;

DON'T vote Barisan Nasional in the next General Elections."

JE Virus claims new victims

Victim: "Physically sick"
Nearly two years after the last reported outbreak of the dreaded JE Virus, Health Ministry officials last month warned the public that the deadly disease has recently claimed many new victims within the Malaysian Chinese Association (MCA). The outbreak was triggered by the release of a report by the Bukit Pelanduk Nipah Outbreak Committee, alleging that hundreds of thousands of ringgit in aid money were disbursed to very healthy MCA aides and family members, while millions in donations were missing.

Many senior MCA politicians were known to have become "physically sick" on reading the report, retreating away from reporters and into their homes in order to recuperate. Others have reportedly complained of dizzy spells, feeling confused and experiencing loss of speech after having been exposed to the report. "I felt sick to the stomach after reading only a few pages," said one victim.