Not The New Straits Times

April 2000

Published twice monthly


Thousands run riot in Kuala Lumpur

US criticises police crackdown on demos

Police recover lethal weapon from Reformasi supporter

Opticians donate glasses to NUJ

Human Rights Commission not an April Fool joke

Mahahtir's call to restore democracy not an April Fool joke

Malaysia in danger of losing world record

Melaka Wall to prevent entry of 'bad influences'

Singapore apology media reports

Philippines rejects hostage rescue plan

Foreign Ministry denies G77 rumour

UMNO sends fact-finding mission to Zimbabwe

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Singapore apologises over 'incorrect' media reports
A spokesman for the Singapore High Commission who refused to be named today issued a statement apologising for the controversy surrounding reports in the Singapore media which Malaysia claims are incorrect. The reports allegedly urged Singaporeans to stop visiting Malaysia due to an outbreak of hand, foot and mouth disease.

The spokesman said that investigations indicated that the reports were indeed incorrect. "It was all because of a simple typographical error. It was not 'foot AND mouth' disease that was breaking out in Malaysia - it was 'foot IN mouth' disease," he clarified.

He said teams from the Singapore Health Department had determined that the "foot in mouth" epidemic would not affect ordinary Singaporeans as it seems to attack only Malaysian senior politicians. "'Foot-in-mouth' disease impairs their brain and vocal cord functions, making them say incredibly stupid things, which they regret later, making them look even more like morons."

He cited a very recent example where, for months, a sufferer bravely declared in public that he was not frightened of testifying in court, then suddenly wrote a 14-page affidavit saying he couldn't. "The same sufferer even once said that Anwar Ibrahim beat himself up," the spokesman said. "You can see how this disease completely cripples all brain functions."

Suffers frequently from
foot-in-mouth disease

Philippines declines Malaysian offer to rescue hostages

FRU ... only good against defenceless
students, women and children

The Filipino government today declined an offer from Malaysia to send in Federal Reserve Unit riot police to rescue the 20 hostages abducted from Pulau Sipadan by suspected Muslim separatists this month.

There had been rumours of a bold Malaysian plan, involving water cannons and tear gas being fired at the rebel headquarters, followed by a baton charge by squads of FRU to extricate the hostages. Malaysian sources had said that the storming of Anwar Ibrahim's house in 1998 and the violent quelling of the Reformasi demonstrations in Kuala Lumpur clearly showed the FRU's ability to conduct such a raid.

However, a Filipino government spokesman who refused to be named said such a plan would probably be doomed to failure. "We recognise that Malaysia's FRU - armed only with water cannon, tear gas, automatic rifles and sub-machine guns - has shown great courage in fighting unarmed, defenceless students, kids and old ladies in the streets of Kuala Lumpur. But these rebels have rocket launchers and heavy machine guns, fellas. And I don't think your riot police are used to people shooting back."

"In fact, if you had more policemen guarding your borders, instead of beating up old ladies in your capital city, we probably wouldn't be in this bloody mess today!" the spokesman concluded respectfully.