Not The New Straits Times

August 16 -Sept 15, 2000

Merdeka Issue


Terrorists refuse to release hostage

Police investigate link to international Communist leader

Tourism Malaysia to promote special 'hostage' holiday

Arms heist demonstration breaks world record

Police seek illegal demo ring-leader

UMNO Youth condemns illegal protests

UMNO Youth holds illegal protests

Malaysia will not censor Internet 'lies'

UMNO clarifies 'Chinese PM' statement

Police seize porn videos sold to students

Apologies from the Editor

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Tourism Malaysia to promote special 'hostage' holiday package
.In an innovative move to boost tourism revenues, Tourism Malaysia will be promoting special 'hostage' holiday packages to Malaysia, where foreign visitors will be able to enjoy the unique holiday experience of being kidnapped by bloodthirsty terrorists, held captive in malaria-infested jungles, threatened with rape and torture and ransomed for millions of dollars.

A spokesperson for the Tourism Ministry who refused to be named said that the new promotion was inspired by the recent kidnapping of three Malaysians by the Abu Sayaff terrorist group this month - just months after 21 foreign and local hostages were kidnapped from Sipadan island and held hostage in the Philippines.

"It's obvious that our police are utterly powerless to stop these kidnappings," the spokesperson added. "They obviously have better things to do such as breaking up Reformasi demonstrations, beating up Anwar supporters and harassing the Opposition. So we might as well make some money out of this kidnapping business - it is the ultimate holiday adventure."

tour guides
will be

The package will include transfer from Malaysia via luxury pirate boat, board and lodging in a five-star terrorist camp, as well as knowledgeable, fully-armed, homicidal tour guides. Packages start from US$1 million, which includes transfers, accommodation, meals and ransom. Holiday loans are available from the Bank of Libya.

Malaysia Boleh! Arms heist demonstration breaks world record

Malaysia was yet again out on the world map when the recent demonstration of how 15 robbers could load stolen weapons and ammunition in the Grik arms heist was listed in the Guinness Book of World Records. In the demonstration, soldiers took just four minutes to load 97 M16 rifles, four GPMG machine guns, six LMG rifles, five M206 grenade launchers, two Steyr rifles, 13 additional GPMG and LMG rifles, 26 bayonets, 182 M16 magazines, one radio set, seven GPMG tripods and over 13,000 rounds of ammunition into three Pajero four-wheel drive vehicles.

The world record listing was for the most pathetic ever attempt at making people believe a disbelieved government.

Defence Minister Najib
Tun Razak supervising the
world record-beating event

"It is truly amazing that a government has to go to these outrageous lengths just to try to convince people that it is telling the truth," said a Guinness spokesman who refused to be named. "It must have taken many years of world record-beating lies, deceit and fraud to achieve this level of cynicism."

Authorities will be organising another world record attempt next year when the same amount of arms, ammunition and equipment will be loaded into a single Kancil.