Not The New Straits Times


February 29, 2000


Published twice monthly


IN THIS ISSUE

Mahathir home from holidays

UMNO organised APCET riot

Millenium jump team makes second attempt for the Pole

UMNO to target youth

More efforts to eradicate Bahasa Baku

ISA does not erode human rights

Rafidah explains share allotments to son-in-law

Foreigners out to recolonise us invade our borders

High tech boost for schoolkids

UMNO Supreme Council urges Ku Li to keep promise

FEATURE: 30 Dalils why Mahathir cannot be a witness at the Anwar Ibrahim trial



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Millenium jump team makes second attempt for the Pole

Malaysians were overjoyed this week to hear triumphant news that Malaysia’s South Pole Millenium Jump 2000 team were successful in their second attempt to parachute to the South Pole. However, the joy was short-lived when it was revealed a few days later that the team had not in fact jumped over the Pole but were accidentally dropped by the Russian organisers over Grozny in Chechnya. Half of the team were unfortunately killed in the crossfire between Chehchen rebels and KGB Security forces, while the other half were killed by humiliated Malaysians who greeted them when they returned at the KL International Airport.

Locals
await
the arrival
of the 

Jump
team
The first attempt on New Year’s Day was a triumph for Malaysia, when the team broke the World Record for the longest ever distance a parachute jump actually missed its target. Malaysians are now collecting funds for a third attempt, where the jump organisers and Minstry of Culture, Youth and Sports officials will be made to jump over the Pole - this time, without parachutes.

KGB Security forces 
greet Millenium 
Jump team members 
as they are dropped accidentally 
over Grozny


UMNO to target youth

UMNO will intensify its efforts to close the generation gap with younger Malays and promote greater support for the party among youth. "We have identified pre-schoolers as the only group where we’re likely to have even the slimmest chance of success," said UMNO Youth activist Ahmad Bacul. "Young people with even basic schooling will probably be too embarrassed to be associated with us." 

To this end, UMNO Youth cadres will now be supplied with Ronald McDonald clown suits and tour kindergartens, nurseries and fast-food outlets throughout the country, talking to toddlers and pre-schoolers about the UMNO struggle. Young people will also be offered 'Toys R Us' discount cards with every UMNO Youth membership application and UMNO Youth  conventions will now be held in Disneyland to attract more youth participation.

Ronald McDonald and clown


More efforts to eradicate Bahasa Baku

In its efforts to completely eradicate all influences and traces of Bahasa Baku from living memory, UMNO educationists are now lobbying for the return of the old pre-Independence spelling system to Bahasa Melayu, such as 'ch' instead of 'c', 'sh' instead of 'sy', the 'e tanda',  the use of hyphens with 'di-' and the use of '2' to indicate plural nouns (as in "buku2"). UMNO linguist Haji Abdul Bakhil said the move would restore Bahasa Melayu to its purity and "eliminate the homosexual, traitorous, disloyal and ungrateful influences of the evil Bahasa  Baku". He denied that the move was politically motivated in any way or form and had nothing  to do with wiping out all traces of Anwar Ibrahim’s influence in Malaysian society. "However, we are also considering banning the use of the name of ‘Anwar’ in all written publications and radio and television broadcasts in Bahasa Melayu, as we feel it will contribute to the purity of the language."

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