IN THIS ISSUE
struck by Mad Kow-Tow Disease
leaders express support for Mahahtir
to face more court charges
Premier to stand for BN
outraged over local media coverage
Front launches advertising blitzkrieg
Front presents pre-Election Victory awards
celebrates landslide victory!
politicians placed on endangered species list
struck by strange paranormal phenomena
|Malaysia struck by strange paranormal phenomena
KUALA LUMPUR, Dec 5 . . . . Experts from around the
world converged on Malaysia to investigate a recent flurry of reports highlighting
extraordinary paranormal phenomena occuring in several parts of the country.
"There seems to have been a spate of strange sightings
in just the past few weeks," said Fox Mouldy, the editor and chief
investigator of 'Booo!' magazine, a respected journal of paranormal research.
"The sightings cover the whole spectrum of paranormal activity - ghosts,
alien abduction, apparitions, strange disappearances, even dinosaurs. Amidst
this hive of paranormal activity, there appears to be only one common,
underlying factor - the recent General Elections."
Did a Mothership from Mars abduct 680,000 missing voters?
Experts in extra-terrestrial phenomena, for example, are
investigating reports that more than 680,000 people who had registered
to vote in the past year were unable to do so. "Why were their names
missing from the electoral rolls? Why did they not appear at the polling
booths? Where did all these people go?" Mouldy asked.
"There can only be one explanation," he concluded.
"They were abducted by aliens."
Mouldy claims that people were not only abducted by a
huge Mothership from Mars but, in some incidences, humans were even replaced
or cloned by aliens. "Not only were some voters' names missing from
the electoral rolls but there were also voters who were told they had already
voted when, in fact, they had not.
New voters queue up to vote in Kubang Pasu
|There were also claims that people had voted more than
once, at different places. Where did these extra voters come from? They
were, obviously, aliens, shape-shifters, who had taken the bodily form
of existing voters."
It was also claimed that some of these 'aliens' had not
only attempted to vote but were also offered citizenship and work permits
in Malaysia if they voted for the ruling party. "This is obviously
a conspirancy that reaches up to the highest levels," Mouldy warned.
|As conclusive proof of the existence of these body-snatchers
from Mars, Mouldy referred to an issue of the Sin Chew Jit Poh newspaper
last month, in which former Deputy Prime Minister Anwar Ibrahim strangely
vanished from a photograph of National Front leaders, to be mysteriously
replaced by an alien looking exactly like the current Deputy, Abdullah
"Who knows how many other Ministers in that picture
are not real humans but actually green-skinned, bug-eyed Martians?"
Mouldy asked. "Who knows how many of them are just artificial life
forms? Just look at that Works Minister - does that look like real,
natural hair to you?"
Another researcher from 'Booo!', Dana Scary, is investigating
sightings of ghosts at polling stations in Malaysia last month. This follows
Opposition party claims of 'indiscrepancies' in the electoral rolls resulting
in hundreds, perhaps thousands, of deceased people rising from their graves
and ghoulishly walking to the nearest polling station to vote.
Does that look like real
hair to you?
"One voter was shocked to find his grandfather's
name in the electoral rolls when he went to the polling station. The poor
man fled in terror, as his grandfather had died more than twenty years
"To make matters worse, his own name was not even
listed," Scary said. "It was as though he had vanished from the
Earth, to be replaced by his dead grandfather."
Scary is attempting to contact these 'phantom' voters
using the services of Tok Aji, a local psychic and clairvoyant. "So
far, the only thing we know of these Living Dead is that they all voted
for the ruling National Front."
Scary is also investigating reported sightings of apparitions
that had mysteriously appeared in newspaper photographs. She was referring
to claims from Opposition newspaper 'Harakah' that a local media picture
of Prime Minister Mahathir Mohamad greeting supporters had been doctored
to make the crowd look bigger than it was. The newspaper claimed that two
separate photographs had been spliced together and the resulting photograph,
in fact, contained a second 'Mahahtir' being greeted by another crowd.
"After detailed analysis, we can categorically state
that the second 'figure' is not Mahahtir," Scary declared. "It
is an apparition. A ghost. Perhaps one of these mysterious 'phantom' voters."
|Scary also said they are investigating the possibility
that the second Mahathir may indeed be a clone created by the invading
aliens to confuse the authorities.
"We also cannot discount the possibility that the
clone was created by benevolent aliens to fulfill the Prime Minister's
desire for a replica of himself." She was referring to Mahathir's
statement in December last year, where he said that he would like his next
Deputy Prime Minister after the sacked Anwar Ibrahim to be an "exact
replica of myself".
Mahathir clone ...
... and the real Mahahtir
Another member of the 'Booo!' research team, paleontologist
Dr Indiana Bones, is investigating reported sightings of dinosaurs in Malaysia.
This was following recent Opposition statements that said Dr Mahathir's
new post-election Cabinet line-up for the Millennium was "Jurassic"
UMNO Minister on the way to a Cabinet
|"We have not only unearthed several intact fossils
at our dig-site in the Malaysian Parliament but have also videotaped living
dinosaurs walking those hallowed halls," Bones revealed. "This
new species of dinosaur - the Cabinetosaurus - shares many of the characteristics
of Jurassic Period dinosaurs. They have extremely tiny brains, they are
ruthless predators, they do nothing all day but make meaningless growling
noises and they defintitely appear to be on the brink of extinction."
Dr Bones added that his team has not only discovered bones
and fossils of the species but were also uncovering many "skeletons
in their cupboards".
Mouldy denied claims that the research findings from his
team's investigations into these unexplained phenomena were, basically,
full of shit. "The only other logical explanation for these strange
events is that the ruling party conducted a dirty campaign of cheating,
lies and deception to win the elections. We are saying it was aliens from
"Which do you believe?" Mouldy asked, as he
wriggled in his strait-jacket and asked to be beamed up back to the Federation