IN THIS ISSUE
struck by Mad Kow-Tow Disease
leaders express support for Mahahtir
to face more court charges
Premier to stand for BN
outraged over local media coverage
Front launches advertising blitzkrieg
Front presents pre-Election Victory awards
celebrates landslide victory!
politicians placed on endangered species list
struck by strange paranormal phenomena
|Anwar to face more charges
Former Deputy Premier being
investigated for assault, war crimes, littering and sinking the Titanic
KUALA LUMPUR, Nov 15. . . . More charges will be filed
against former deputy Prime Minister Anwar Ibrahim in an attempt to discredit
the Opposition in the run-up to the General Elections in Malaysia. A source
close to the ruling party’s Pro-Defamation Committee revealed that evidence
is being gathered of Anwar’s direct involvement in the sinking of the Titanic,
the eruption of the Mt Pinatubo volcano, the fall of Melaka to the Portuguese
in 1511 and at least six counts of World War II war crimes. He will also
face trial for two counts of littering, four counts of jaywalking, one
count of loitering and various parking offences, all of which will amount
to prison terms of not less than 973 years.
He may also be charged with assaulting a former Inspector
General of Police.
Anwar, who has already been convicted of corruption and
is facing sodomy charges, will stand for trial after the elections, as
soon as the new charges, evidence, judgements and sentence are published
in the local media on the eve of the Elections.
“We are determined to expose Anwar for the evil monster
he is,” said UMNO Pro-Defamation Committee member Abdool Cadder Tippoo.
“No crime is too large or too small. The truth must be known – and if we
can’t find it, we’ll make it up!”
The new charges follows months of accusations levelled
against Anwar from a variety of poison pen letters, ‘voluntary’ police
confessions, statutory declarations, affidavits and even books. The accusations
range from treason, corruption and sodomy to wearing wigs and being an
agent of the CIA.
The fall of Melaka: Was Anwar responsible?
|The latest charges follows the bulk mailing of thousands
of do-it-yourself statutory declarations that allow people to submit their
own accusations against Anwar or tick from a convenient menu of crimes.
“The response from the public has been encouraging. We have received more
than 200 signed declarations from one person alone – a bankrupt fashion
designer and professional virgin – and at least a few dozen more from a
corrupt former Bank Negara official under criminal investigation. These
are not ordinary citizens – these are pillocks, ooops, I mean, pillars
of our society.”
One statutory declaration accused Anwar of perpetrating
the outbreak of World War II. “We have been given a letter signed by Anwar
himself, telling Hitler that ‘Poland is a push-over and you should invade
it before the summer holidays end’. When it was mentioned that Anwar was
born nearly ten years after the invasion of Poland by Germany, Tippoo said
“ that I am sure that such legal technicalities will not prevent our independent
courts from dispensing justice.”
declaration described how Anwar got the captain of the Titanic drunk at
the steering helm and challenged him to “see if you can hit that iceberg.”
Tippoo mumbled incoherently about ‘a typo on his birth certificate’ when
asked how Anwar could have been aboard the bridge of the ill-fated ship
forty years before he was born.
Tippoo is also investigating a Jewish connection in that
Titanic sinking. “Was the iceberg actually a Goldberg? Only Anwar can tell
Another statutory declaration was received from well-know
dam builder Ting Bei Jing. “We were debating my plans to clear another
few hundred thousand hectares of forest during a Bakun Dam Cabinet Committee.
I saw Anwar throw a sweet-wrapper on the floor during one of the coffee-breaks,”
the accuser declared. “That man is a menace to the environment.”
Tippoo said that in the light of the accusation, the Cabinet
are considering increasing the standard RM500 penalty for littering to
sixteen years’ imprisonment.
Rahim Noor: Mercilessly
assaulted by Anwar
|Anwar is also accused of assaulting the former Inspector
General of Police Rocky Noor in Bukit Aman Police headquarters. “We have
a statutory declaration from the victim stating that Anwar had viciously
attacked the former IGP by punching him on the fist with his head, slapping
his hands with his cheek and crushing his knee with his groin. Decent Malaysians
cannot tolerate such violence. Anwar is not above the law – he is not the
Tippoo denied allegations that the charges are frivolous
and cynical. "The charges are all absolutely true. Have we ever lied
to you before about beatings in Bukit Aman Police Headquarters? Of course,
the Opposition will say that Rahim was safe and sound all the while, and
that he beat himself up! They are the liars.”
On a related development, Tippoo denied that Anwar’s current
sodomy trial had recently been postponed indefinitely because Mahathir
was afraid to be called as a witness during the Election period. “Are you
implying our courts are at the beck and call of the Prime Minister? Are
you implying our Prime Minsiter was not looking forward to appearing in
court to expose the truth? Are you implying our Prime Minister is petrified
of Anwar? Are you implying the charges are just part of an evil political
conspiracy to destroy Anwar? Are you implying we are afraid of the truth?
Are you saying we are trying to silence the Opposition? Do you want a sixty-million
ringgit law suit over your head?”