IN THIS ISSUE
struck by Mad Kow-Tow Disease
leaders express support for Mahahtir
to face more court charges
Premier to stand for BN
outraged over local media coverage
Front launches advertising blitzkrieg
Front presents pre-Election Victory awards
celebrates landslide victory!
politicians placed on endangered species list
struck by strange paranormal phenomena
|UMNO Politicians placed on endangered species
KUALA LUMPUR, Dec 5 . . . . Wildlife authorities in
Terengganu and Kelantan have placed the UMNO Politician in the endangered
species list, alongside other threatened animals such as the Leatherback
Turtle and Dugong. Nature conservationists are also warning that the survival
of this species is seriously threatened in other states such as Kedah and
Perlis, with wild populations there halved in just the past year.
This ravenous predator has the scientific name ‘Corruptus
politicianii umnoensis’ but is commonly referred to as the ‘UMNO Politician’.
More endangered leatherback turtles than UMNO politicians
in Terengganu today
It can be found in almost all parts of Malaysia and large
herds previously roamed free in its natural habitats, such as Parliament
and the state assemblies. Its natural diet consists primarily of ringgit
notes and it feeds on public funds, preying mainly on development budgets,
mega-project contracts, tolls, EPF funds, statutory corporations and banks.
The only one of its species
surviving in Kelantan's
|However, wild populations of the species have recently
been wiped out close to extinction in the northeastern states of Kelantan
and Terengganu. The species had been on the decline in Kelantan since the
1990 General Elections but their numbers plummeted even further recently,
with only one sorry-looking individual spotted by zoologists wandering
in the jungles of Gua Musang. A particularly odious species of frog recently
went extinct in the state as well.
More dramatically, the species has been virtually wiped
out in the state of Terengganu, despite large herds of the species being
present there just weeks ago. “Wildlife surveys have detected more landings
of Leatherback Turtles than UMNO Politicians in Terengganu this year,”
said Australian wildlife biologist Alan Doogong. Already, tourists are
flocking from all over the world to watch the four rare surviving individuals
left in the state land and nest in the Terengganu State Assembly. There
are now plans to relocate two of the State Assemblymen to Rantau Abang
and the other two to Taman Negara.
|“We do not know what cataclysmic environmental disaster
may have caused this dramatic drop in their populations,” Doogong said.
“We suspect it may be related to a recent incident of arsenic pollution.
But, whatever it was, it has placed the UMNO Politician squarely at the
top of the endangered species list here.”
Doogong warned that the species appeared to be threatened
in many other parts of Malaysia, such as Kedah and Perlis. “Scientific
studies have shown that their populations have been more than halved in
Kedah. Just recently, one of the larger mammals, the ‘Sanusii junidus
umnoensis’, was found by a fisherman washed up on a beach in Langkawi
and the poor thing succumbed to its wounds. The future survival of the
species in that State looks bleak indeed.”
A related species, the ‘Unscrupulous politiciannus gerakanensis’
also appears to be under threat in the nearby state of Penang. Two of the
species were lost recently, due to suspected illegal poaching by another
Chinese-based political species.
‘Sanusii junidus umnoensis’:
Washed up on a beach in
Doogong noted that wildlife survey statistics have shown
at least a 20 percent drop in UMNO Politician populations nationwide. “For
every 94 of the species alive last month, there are only 71 surviving today,”
he revealed mournfully.
A special ‘Save the UMNO Politician’ campaign is being
mounted by a local conservation group based at the Putra World Trade Centre
in Kuala Lumpur. The campaign has already received generous multi-million
ringgit donations from caring local corporations such as Renong Berhad
and Perwaja Steel, in addition to the personal endorsement of the Prime
Minister himself. “Malaysia is determined to snatch the UMNO Politician
from the brink of extinction. Conservation efforts, such scare-mongering
newspaper advertisements, will help ensure healthy numbers in Kelantan
and Terengganu by the time of the next General Elections.”
However, wildlife conservation organisations seem reluctant
to support the campaign. “They are the dinosaurs of the political ecosystem
and zoologists are not optimistic of their long-term survival,” Doogong
said. “And, frankly, this is one species many people won’t mind seeing